Old Wounds Reopened
by Hanssenswaistcoat
Summary: 8 months after Sahira's departure she finds herself back in the same carpark where she last spoke to Hanssen...But how will the next conversation play out/ Will be a multi fic, l have an itch l need to scratch with this story.
1. Chapter 1

Sitting in the car park behind the wheel of the same 4+4 series that she had left in 8 months ago staring at the automatic doors before her leading into the cafe on the right hand side and the lifts on the left made her stomach churn with nerves or was it excitement? Her fingers tapped to no particular rhythm on the steering wheel as radio 2 filtered through the speakers. She had tried to start again, to put things right in her marriage, to make more time for the kids. Suddenly that old Meatloaf song Two out Three ain't bad flashed through her head. Not for her though one out of three was her limit.

She hadn't spoken to him since that night in front of those doors, no emails, no calls, it was just as he had said..."The time had come for separation" For a while after they moved it irked and puzzled her just why she had been so upset that night when she was alone back in the safety of her car, was it just as she had reasoned to herself that the pressure of leaving her dream job, uprooting the kids and yes if she was being honest leaving new found friends behind got too much for her? For a while that was her answer she gave to the demons at the very depths of her lonely moments and there had been plenty of them. Be honest with yourself Sahira she mused you were lonely the second the car door shut that night in January.

Everything was different now of course, but was his? Would he even still be here, would they know where he'd moved onto if indeed he had moved, maybe Manchester Royal she remembered how he'd thrown that to her one day. Supposing he was still here how would he react to seeing her again...aloof...professional...arrogant that he knew it wouldn't work in Nottingham...what was it he'd said that day in the scrub room..." That she would never feel the same way she did anywhere else or with anyone else than she did beside him in that theatre on that day

It was time to go and see where he was and indeed if he was still here at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Sahira took a deep breath pulled out the car keys grabbed her bag and slipped out the BMW. She took a few steps back to look up at the 5th floor which was where she was planning on heading and praying she didn't bump into anyone she knew. A split second was all it took for the loud thud followed by the screeching of brakes to echo off the surrounding buildings.

Kelly stood in the Director of Surgery's doorway as he gave her last minute instructions on an upcoming appointment with Sir Fraser he had arranged for later in the day, truth be told he was desperately trying to think of an excuse to get out of the meeting, which was why Kelly currently found herself stood half in half out his office, because he couldn't make up his mind what he wanted her to do. Whilst he sat staring ahead saying nothing trying to think up an excuse, Kelly stood stalk still, she had grown accustomed to his lack of interest nowadays. For the last eight months she mused he's just lost the plot completely. Finally he turned, "Tell Sir Fraser l have been called away to surgery and l do apologise profusely but l must rearrange our meeting. That will be all Kelly thank you" Kelly just nodded her assent and closed the door.

So there he sat… as he lifted his remote control for the Bose CD player the door burst open and in heaved Mr Hope sweat dripping and out of breath. "Mr Hope, l do really think this exercise regime you have yourself on seems to doing more harm than good, please do try and not collapse on my floor, this carpet was only laid a month ago"

"Mr Hanssen, l think you should come quickly we have a problem downstairs one which l think it is you that should deal with it"

"Come, come Mr Hope, surely you haven't come to tell me that Darwin has gone up in a puff of smoke since my visit not an hour ago?"

"It's not on the wards you are required, it is down in Casualty. Mr Hanssen please l cannot stress the urgency of the matter, you must come downstairs at once"

Hanssen lifted his remote control, flicked the switch, placed his glasses back on and pushed his chair back.

"This had better be good Mr Hope"

Elliot just tried his best to catch his own breath and steady his nerves because he knew the next few hours were not going to be good, and if he was any judge of character and of what he had witnessed over the last eight months then the ice cool Swede's world that he had carefully built brick by brick, adding the roof after the departure of Sahira was about to implode and he really wasn't sure how the big fella would cope.

"Mr Hope are you coming or am l just to hold this lift like some bellboy until you regain your composure?"

Elliot rushed down the hall into the lift and bowed his head; he really couldn't bring himself to look at his boss so silence with head bowed seemed the best course of action at this conjuncture.

The doors to the ground floor swung open, the hustle and bustle of the department swirled around in the air.

"So where exactly is this calamity that l must attend Mr Hope do enlighten me, as l have no desire to spend anymore time in this infernal department than l absolutely must?"

All Elliot managed was "Resuss"

"Right you are then, onward we go"

As Hanssen swiped his card into resuss there were two bays occupied, one with an elderly gent who seemed to have had a stroke of some kind. As he turned to the other bay Charlie Fairhead turned to usher him over. There were four doctors and Nick Jordan..._must be serious he mused_

"I thought you would want to be here" was all he got out as the tall Swede looked over his shoulder and that of Nick Jordan. Elliot watched the blood drain from his face and his legs visibly rock as he took in the scene before him.

"There was an accident in the car-park Henrik, Dr Shah was hit by a car at quite high speed, she was thrown almost 30 feet where it seems she landed at the wheels of an oncoming car which thankfully managed to stop in time" Hanssen was barely registering what Nick Jordan was telling him. All he could see was the bloodied, battered body of Ms Shah... Sahira...his Sahira lying there clothes ripped apart, blood covering her face and chest.

"She's unconscious has been since she came in, we're trying to stabilise her and get her up to theatre tonight, she has a punctured lung, broken ribs, we suspect kidney damage and possible head trauma, we'll taking her to CT ASAP...l thought seeing as you were her mentor you'd want to be here to help" Nick turned to look at Hanssen to see that he'd registered what was said to him. "Henrik have you heard everything l've just said?"

"Every word Mr Jordan thank you, l have a phone call to make to prep theatre one Ms Shah won't be going to your departments facilities this evening, l will perform the necessary procedures myself, Mr Hope here will assist... will you not Mr Hope?"

"Of course" was all Elliot managed, he knew Hanssen was in no fit state to walk never mind operate but he daren't say anything at this moment so he just nodded his head

"I will be less than two minutes Mr Jordan, upon my return l want Ms Shah stabilised and ready to go do l make myself abundantly clear?"

"Yes Mr Hanssen"

Charlie offered his office to Hanssen as he thought he needed some privacy to gather himself together and make the call. In turn Hanssen was thankful for private space he,

shut the door behind him and steadied himself on the desk. "My_ God, how was he going to get through the next few hours_?" in all his life he had never felt fear grip him like this.

He quickly made the call took a deep breath, put on his game face, marched straight through to resuss and told them to get his patient to theatre one via CT immediately.

He walked side by side with the trolley as it made it's way into the lift gripping the handlebar as if his own life depended on it..._All he wanted was to slip his hand down and clasp Sahira's, she looks so fragile thought, God help him had to be strong she needed him more than ever just now._

As he scrubbed up while Sahira was put too sleep, a myriad of thoughts were screaming through his head..._.How did this happen_..._Sahira here in Holby_..._.in the car park_..._.why was she_ _here_..._God what would he do if_...no that was not a thought he would entertain. It was bad enough she'd been in Nottingham and they hadn't parted well, the separation had torn his heart to shreds...he just would not be able to cope if God forbid...At that moment the scans appeared from CT…Thankfully no obvious injuries, just what looked like some swelling on the left side.

He swung through the doors and Elliot looked up, "We're ready Mr Hanssen whenever you are"

"Good then let us proceed"


	3. Chapter 3

Elliot turned back to the operating table and nodded to the nurses that they were indeed ready to proceed. He asked for a scalpel as Hanssen came level with him on the opposite side of table.

"I can manage very well Mr Hope if you don't mind, scalpel if you please nurse"

"Are you sure about this Mr Hanssen, you've had a horrendous shock alas l can fully appreciate how difficult this must be for you to have Ms Shah in this unfortunate state before us, in fact very traumatic indeed for you, as indeed it is for us all. No one including Ms Shah would think any less of you should you wish to hand over to say Mr Douglas?"

Hanssen flinched at the mention of Greg Douglas, but this wasn't the place and certainly not the time for his personal issues with Douglas to come to the surface.

"Whilst l appreciate your obvious concern for my welfare Mr Hope, l have no intention of letting anyone and l do mean_anyone_ operate on Ms Shah other myself, it is the very least l can for her. We go back a very long way and there is no one and again l stress no one whom l would allow to have control of her care other than myself. However l do realise and very much appreciate your concern is genuine for myself and for Ms Shah, and for that l thank you however do you really think she could be in any better hands than she is right now?"

Elliot took a deep breath and shook his head..."No l don't" was all he managed because he could see they sheer determination in Hanssen's eyes. There was no way on this earth or any other planet for that matter that he'd allow anyone else to even see Sahira laid bare before them never mind let anyone else touch or cut her…..

"Indeed now let us proceed"

The blind terror coursing through Henrik Hanssen the ice cool Swede currently knew no bounds, what was it Connie had called him..._Henrik the slasher God how accurate she was...because here he was having to cut through Sahira's beautiful sallow skin, it felt like a violation of her._

The next 3 hours passed in a haze of one word commands, occasionally Hanssen would ask the nurse to wipe his brow but that was as far as conversation stretched.

Elliot for his part in this unfolding drama could only watch in wonder at the sheer concentration level of the man across from him. He knew full well that this man was hurting in fact crushed inside with pain would probably more accurate. He'd watched him over the many months since Sahira had left. Right from the moment he met him on Darwin and gave him back the Swedish dictionary that January night...yes he knew even then that the man before him was a shadow of the man he'd been a few hours before Sahira left.

Elliot hadn't always had the easiest relationship with the Swede but he vowed standing there opposite him that he'd do whatever he could to support him, because he knew what it was like to love someone so much and then lose them.

Three hours forty seven minutes was the exact length of the time the operation took to repair the lesions on the kidney and re-inflate the lung. Normally it would have been 90 minutes give or take, but Hanssen was having none it he slowly and painstakingly checked every vital organ of Sahira's for any damage they may have missed on the scans. He only let Elliot near with the suction hose...no nurse was allowed near. He, Henrik Hanssen Director of Surgery Lord of all he surveyed most of the time was looking after her and he would do everything himself right down to patting the padding on each surface to make sure all was well.

Elliot allowed himself a wry smile behind his mask...here he was...the man who could have doctors as well as nurses running for cover and cut a room to shreds with a simple stare and yet here he was gently patting Sahira's organs and wiping away any excess blood.

Yes Elliot mused _This guy is completely and utterly head over heels in love with the lovely Dr Shah...and more importantly he's devoted to her and her well being._In the two years that Hanssen had been at Holby no one, not a nurse or a fellow surgeon had seen him be present for closing a patient back up, that job was usually left the lower member on the totem pole, but not tonight. Everyone present stood in awe of the tender nature in which he went about the procedure of stitching Sahira...so very gently and lovingly.

Privately behind the surgical mask Henrik Hanssen just wanted to lie down curl up in a ball and cry, his world had completely caved in and all in a matter of hours.

He watched as they wheeled Sahira into recovery before her transfer to the ward, he followed suit into the scrub room with Elliot at his back. No words were spoken in that wash down, no words were needed. For Elliot he'd just witnessed a side to the boss that he could wager no one, not even Sahira had ever seen before.

For Hanssen all he could think of was how quickly he had to get changed, get Sahira settled and make a mountain of cancellations for the coming hours and days... weeks...and months if needed. Yes he had things to do, but one thing was for certain when Sahira Shah awoke he would be by her bedside waiting and no husband would be keeping him away after all he WAS her physician.


	4. Chapter 4

Many thanks for to all the people who have put this story on the alert notification l am really chuffed someone out there is actually reading it and hopefully enjoying it so far. I should have said this at the beginning but it will be a quite a long fic. I have a lot of the dynamic of the relationship and under current that l want too cover. I actually can't believe there are so few Henrik/Sahira fics out there. This is a relationship that is boiling with tension on all levels. Anyway on we go, all l ask is that after this chapter you'll have to bear with me till Thursday before another chapter is posted as l've got University exams tomorrow and Wednesday. Yikes! Anyhooo onward….

Hanssen binned the surgical gown, stuffed his hat into his pocket and went straight through to recovery.

"Dr Lockhart how long until Ms Shah should be back with us given she was unconscious upon arrival, do you plan on keeping her sedated until some of the bleeding recedes on the brain?"

"I think it's best for the next few hours at least to keep her in an induced state until we see how the swelling reacts as the body settles back down, would you be happily to proceed on those lines Mr Hanssen?"

"Yes l think that is a wise path to follow for now, l have one or two phone calls to make to Ms Shah's immediate family and l'll have my secretary cancel some meetings for me, l'll assume all control of Ms Shah's care if you could oblige and keep a close eye on her until l return?"

"Certainly" mused Lockhart there was no way he was going to let anything happen to Dr Shah on his watch; he'd been privy to the spectacle in theatre.

Hanssen glanced at Sahira's sleeping form he desperately wanted to reach down and give her hand a squeeze; anything at all to have contact with her, just to let her know he was here and he would not leave her or allow anything to happen to her…..Too many people around…and the walls talked in this place….Not that he gave a damn anymore….she just had to be okay and pull through this….vowing silently to himself never again would he allow things to be left unsaid between them. He reached down and squeezed her hand and whispered gently

"I'll be back in an hour…l'am just going to check on your boys and speak to your parents" As an after thought he remembered who was here and added "And you husband"

He nodded at Lockhart and turned on his heel and headed out through Darwin.

Elliot Hope stood at the back of recovery having just witnessed yet another first with the Swedish God he raised his eyebrows at Lockhart in acknowledgement of what had just happened.

Turning to the sister in charge on duty he said "Best find a quiet side room for Dr Shah, l think that is the very we can do for a fellow colleague."

Hanssen spoke to no one enroute to the sanctuary of his office….or his cave as Sahira always called it. He needed to be alone to gather his thoughts and get a handle on his emotions because they were in serious danger of spilling across the floor for every Tom Dick and Harry to see and pick apart.

He stuck his head into Kelly's little office…"Ah good Kelly you are still here, may l have a brief word in my office please" Not waiting for a response again he turned tail and carried on into his office.

"Kelly l need you to cancel all my meetings for the next few days, l don't care what it is it, pay review for staff nurses to meetings with Sir Fraser, l will also not be available for theatre either or any consults, deal with that for me"

"Yes Mr Hanssen…is there anything"

"Yes there is something else" he butted in "Please l know this may sound odd, but l need to gather some female attire together, you know the personal things that ladies use everyday. I have just realised l have many letters after my name and be highly educated but the requirements of the female of the species is totally unfathomable to me. So would you be so kind as to write down a list of personal items a stay in hospital would require, and I'll pick it up before l leave in about 10 minutes? I have a couple of phone calls to make first talking more to himself than Kelly.

"Of course Mr Hanssen, would you like me to pick the stuff up for you and save you some time?"

"No, that won't be necessary, l can manage that l think on my own, how hard can it be after all… surely cannot be that difficult to accumulate a few bits and bobs, where do ladies tend to shop anyway?"

"If it's for a stay in hospital then probably Debenhams and Boots would be a good starting point"

"Fine, Debenhams and Boots it is then…..so if you could get that ready for me while l make some calls that would be most helpful"

Kelly shut the door over and shook her head….she was right he had completely lost the plot.

She would pay good money to watch the almighty Hanssen shopping for women's personal attire….that indeed would be something to see…..nothing he did would surprise her anymore he had been growing stranger by the week over the last few months, this was just yet another first.

Hanssen sat staring at the door making sure Kelly was indeed gone before he let himself breathe again. Falling back in his chair he felt the walls of his mind and heart crumble.

Removing his glasses he ran his fingers through his damp hair, covered his eyes and cried. How was he going to cope having Sahira in Darwin in her current state? It would drive him insane with worry, he'd have to practically move his office down there, there was simply no other way around it. Under no circumstances was he letting her out of his sight once he had things in place.

First things, first though, why the hell was Sahira in the car park in the first place? Where were her children, where was Rafi? He lifted the phone and launched the rolodex application on his laptop scrolling through until he came to Nottingham general hospital. Lifting the phone he dialled the number and asked to be put through to his colleague Mr Khan a fellow director of surgery.

The telephone conversation he then had left him with more questions than answers. Dr Khan was indeed shocked to hear of Ms Shah's accident and informed Henrik that she had left Nottingham general two months previous and as far as he knew she had moved back to Holby or certainly into the Bristol area but he would have HR fax him the details within the hour. Hanssen then asked about Rafi only to be told that Rafi had took up a post in Afghanistan working for the NHS in conjunction with the forces and had actually left three months previously. He added although he didn't like to go by the rumour mill but it was said that Dr Shah and her husband had separated within a couple of months of arriving in Nottingham.

He was unable to offer any advise as to the whereabouts of Dr Shah's two children suggesting Henrik perhaps call her parents. That indeed had been Hanssen's next call anyway so he thanked Dr Khan for his help and asked for the fax to be sent straight to his home as he was leaving to go straight there and he'd pick it up when he arrived.

Hanssen was clearly on autopilot now, could it be true that Sahira was now single and rid of that lay about husband of hers? He was pulled out of his thoughts when the next call was answered by a young lad. Henrik knew almost instantly that this was Sahira's oldest son, he had no idea what to say to the lad, so all he managed was could he speak to his grandfather.

"Hello…this Mr Kusal"

"Ah hello Mr Kusal it is Henrik Hanssen here, l wonder if l might have a word with you about Sahira?"

The conversation that followed was just as bizarre as the one before, yes indeed Sahira was back living in Holby and had been for two months. She was out this afternoon job hunting and said she may be late back she was planning on seeing an old friend. Henrik listened intently to every syllable her father spoke giving nothing away until he had no other choice. He advised her father of the accident and subsequent operation he had performed and just nodded his head when Mr Kusal told him he would be at the hospital as soon as possible once he and his wife got the boys sorted with a family friend. Henrik hung up and sat completely dumbfounded. "Just what in God's name was going on?" he mused

Shook from his thoughts he grabbed his stuff and headed out the door, stuck his head into Kelly's office and got the list. A quick check on Sahira he thought before he left to pick everything up.

Walking onto Darwin felt odd knowing that every nurse, porter cleaner and doctor were going to be watching his every move, not that he cared all he cared about was the lady currently in the side room next to the staff room.

Sahira lay perfectly still and very much still in an induced state; at least he knew she would not be waking up before he got back. Elliot Hope came in at Hanssen's back…

"I'll keep a close eye on her until you get back, you have my word and l'll call if there is any change at all in the meantime"

"Thank you Mr Hope l appreciate that, l plan to be no more than an hour. I have one or two things to pick up at home and some ladies personal items for Ms Shah, l will be as fast as l can, her parents may turn up in the meantime l have advised them of today's events"

"And what about Rafi?" Elliot whispered

"It would seem Ms Shah's husband is out of the country"

With that Elliot turned and left the room.

Hanssen looked around him at the wires and monitors and out through the windows he lowered his head to Sahira's ear, took her hand and whispered "Sleep well my love; l will be back in less time than it takes for you to have a pleasant dream. But then l must insist that you wake up, you and l have a lot to talk about and this time nothing will be left unsaid by me…I promise" With that he squeezed her hand and inhaled the smell of hair then gently kissed her temple

He turned around and was gone…..


	5. Chapter 5

Henrik Hanssen, General Surgeon, Director of Surgery and usually cool calm unemotional Swede sat in his car completely shell shocked.

When he parked his car in this very spot at 8 am this morning he had a busy day planned that was true enough numerous meetings most of which he had planned to stall on but that was a given these days and then there was his weekly ward rounds. Those he couldn't get out of so his plan had been to put his usual game face on get round the wards as quickly as decently possible and retreat back to the sanctuary of his office where he could shut himself off to deal with the dull the ache that the memories that the ward round pricked in him with out fail every week. He tried to avoid Darwin these days. "_What a difference 5 hours make" he thought. _

Ignition key duly turned the engine on and he made his way out of the car park. His usual Classic FM travel companion was flicked off, he needed time to think and no amount of music was going to sooth him today. It was a 20 minute drive to his house via the ring road but even for him that wouldn't give him time to sort out the countless thoughts and senario's that were whizzing around his head.

First and foremost in his mind was caring medically for Sahira, no way would he ever entrust her care to anyone else, no matter how fractious their non relationship/working environment was in the days and weeks leading up to her departure. He would never abandon her although he still lambasted himself every other day for leaving her at the mercy of that boy's father on that last evening. He behaved in manner that disgusted himself and all because his pride was hurting although that was nothing to the pain in his already shattered heart. No he reasoned with himself although he had no idea why Sahira had turned up today after 8 months and 17 days he would do all in his power as a doctor to make her better for her boys sake if nothing else, although he prayed he would get the chance to rebuild some of the bomb damaged bridges in their friendship. He had missed her so very much, not even being able to reach out via email had cut him to the core. She made it quite clear that he was not to get in touch, so he had honoured her wishes. _"God damn it why had she come back now?" _He wiped just beneath his glasses as the tears welled up. He turned into his driveway selfishly praying to whatever entity controlled the universe that she wanted to see him just as much as he had wanted to see her.

Door open, alarm off, study light on, fax machine flashing he let out a breath that he had subconsciously been holding. He read the attached details from Nottingham HR, obviously Sahira had moved back to Holby as his colleague stated a good couple of months ago and from memories of happier times he recognised the address she was listed as living at was that of her parents in a village just south of Holby itself. Leaving the paper in the desk he rushed upstairs pulling off his waistcoat and tie as he went.

Twenty minutes later a travel bag sat on Hanssen's bed packed and ready to go, the occupant of the shower stood motionless he was totally lost, it was as pure and as simple as that. For all his success as a surgeon, a doctor and yes a NHS trust administrator he was completely hopeless when it came to relationships and in particular his relationship with a certain registrar. For the last eight months he had raged at himself for not explaining his feelings better to her when she threw the gauntlet down at him that night in his office, but then if he was being honest he had berated himself for the last 18 odd years for not trying harder with Sahira. He knew one thing though which was a start he supposed, this had to change no matter the pain it caused him or her for that matter they simply had to sort this sorry mess out and clear the air even if it meant losing her completely, which had almost happened today anyway he just never dreamed it would be under the wheels of a car.

Fifteen minutes later he was dressed, bag in the boot of his car and was once again enroute back to the hospital via Debenhams. Now this was his craziest moment of the day so far, "H_ow was_ _he going to shop for a woman's personal items_ ?"he mused

Car parked, wallet in back pocket off he went in search of the lift in the multistorey carpark.

Debenhams late afternoon was not somewhere Hanssen thought he'd ever be today, but here he was and with absolutely no idea what or where to go now. He was a Saville Row man so venturing into a high street department store was somewhat an assault on his senses and that was just the perfume department. A young woman thrust herself forward just as he went to step up onto the next set of stairs onto the ladies floor. "Looking for perfume for your wife sir, may l recommend this?" Before he knew where he was a card was literally shoved under his nose and into his hand "No thank you, that won't be necessary" he replied handing it back "I am sure your wife would love this scent" Hanssen turned and stepped down back onto the same level as the young girl, although he was still at least two foot taller than her. "Firstly l am not married, l have no idea what gave you the impression that l was and secondly if indeed l was married then l can assure you l would not be buying perfume for my wife in a department store that every Tom Dick and Harry frequents thereby by default meaning wife would smell the same foul cheap smell as every other man's wife. A man's wife should be treated with respect and as a lady, a very special lady. Now if you'll excuse me l have personal items l must buy for a friend who is unable to buy them for herself given that she is currently lying in an induced coma in hospital" The young shop girl was stunned but chanced her arm a little further, " May l help with buying the items for your friend after all as you say you're not a man who shops in department stores very often?" "That would be most helpful thank you" Hanssen replied

So on they went to the ladies section and before Hanssen knew what was happening he had some nighties and PJ's and a bathrobe and other ladies items that he really didn't want to think too much about. He thanked the young girl for all her help and as he turned to leave she gave him a parting shot "I hope this friend of yours knows exactly how lucky she is to have a man like you so love with her" Henrik stopped dead in his tracks and thought for a moment..."I pray to God l get just one chance to tell her just how much l love her myself when she recovers from her accident" At that he strode away and didn't look back to see the smile on the young girls face.

20 minutes later after a quick stop at Boots for some toiletries he was back in car park at Holby City. He grabbed all the stuff he'd brought from home and the new things for Sahira and headed for the lift, once on the ward he headed straight for Sahira's room.

He stood stalk still for a few moments flexing his left hand as he took in the scene before him in Sahira's room...

"Mr Douglas please enlighten me as to why are you here for your shift 8 hours early as l believe you are on nights. l really hope you do not think my budget is picking up the tab for your sudden desire to be Ms Shah's dashing knight and further more what exactly do you think you are doing with Ms Shah's notes, l believe l am her consultant, she is my patient and l would appreciate you putting her notes back in the folder and then explaining to me why exactly you are here?"

Authors note:

Many apologies this has taken longer than l ever thought to update, l can only say l know where the rest of the story goes but this was a filler chapter that had to be written and l really struggled with it! Now we can move on and feathers can really start to fly! Hope you're all still reading and looking forward to it, it's going to be a long summer with this one!


	6. Chapter 6

Greg Douglas took a long deep breath before he turned round to face the Director of Surgery standing in the doorway. He knew this confrontation would come at some point just as sure as he knew he had to get back to the hospital when he heard on the grapevine that Sahira had been brought in after being hit by a car in the car park. "I heard from one of my friends in A & E that Sahira had been admitted after an accident, and as a friend and colleague it just seemed the right and proper thing to do, after all we were good friends as well as colleagues Mr Hanssen" "I am well aware of what your relationship with Ms Shah was Mr Douglas, and l appreciate as l am sure Ms Shah will that you cared enough to come back to work and check on her, but right now l need you to go home and get your rest in order to be back for your night cover. You are no use to this hospital or its patients if you are not properly rested. Now if you wouldn't mind l would like Ms Shah's notes please"

The Irishman knew it was pointless arguing with Hanssen when he was being his ice cool detached superior self, he also knew there was no way he'd allow anyone to look after Sahira but himself so it was better to leave and pop in later once she was awake, he really hoped she had come back to Holby for good and maybe changed her mind about her feelings for him. Greg could really see a future for him and Sahira if she would only let her guard down and let him love her.

As Greg left he passed an elderly couple enter Darwin and heard them ask for Sahira Shah's room, he realised they must be her parents but again he thought _,____where is Rafi__?_

The on duty sister guided Mr and Mrs Kusal to the room just as Hanssen was reading through the latest updates on her condition, he turned when the heard the door open. "Ah Mr & Mrs Kusal l am so sorry we have to meet again under such unfortunate circumstances" he said as he reached out to shake the old man's hand. "Hello Henrik, we're glad if it had to happen anywhere then it was in the hospital where you are the surgeon in charge and l know Sahira will feel the same when she wakes" Hanssen was shocked by the meaning and to the extent the generous comment had on him, _he blushed and looked back to his notes. "_I will give you a few moments alone with Sahira then l'll have one of the staff bring you to my office and we can have a chat about her injuries and her recovery from this in more private surroundings. She will be unconscious for at least another hour or so then l plan on starting to bring her round slowly"

"Thank you Henrik" was all Mrs Kusal could say as she gently touched his forearm as he moved to allow her to sit beside her daughter.

Hanssen left and made his way to his office along with the stuff he had brought with him. Once in the privacy of his office he threw the bags down, sat on his sofa and took his glasses off.

___My God his mind screamed at him why hadn't he realised Sahira was probably here to see Greg Douglas and not him, of course it all made sense now. How the hell could he still be so caught up and knocked off guard whenever it involved anything to do with Sahira...his Sahira...but she wasn't his and never would be. There was no way on earth she was here to see him, not after the cruel things they said and did to each other when they parted. He had thought that she had understood his meaning when he said the acute agony would diminish to be replaced to by a dull ache that would NEVER go. He knew it would never leave him. He had almost managed to isolate the Greg Douglas factor out of his psyche over the months until now. Time for Dr Hanssen to reappear complete with his armour plated shell. He was her consultant, he would take the best possible care of her for her boys sake and that was it. He could not and would not allow himself to be tortured any more over his feelings for Sahira. She was simply not his to love. _

A few moments later Hanssen the surgeon was back, faced washed, tears washed away suit back on and glasses on the bridge of his nose. His door was knocked and in came Sahira's parents seemingly a little more settled now they had seen their daughter downstairs. Hanssen sat them down then poured some tea for them. He explained exactly what they knew had happened in the car park and the subsequent treatment their daughter had received both from A & E and then from him and Mr Hope. He told them why he had kept her sedated after theatre and that it was more a safeguard that she didn't get stressed about her boys or surroundings while the swelling on her brain receded. He asked no questions of why she had moved back to Holby or if they knew why she was at the hospital in the first place. _He could not bear the answer they might give him although mostly he feared he would be unable to stop himself from crumbling, so it was better to play the surgeon old colleague/friend of their daughter and no less and most definitely no more than that._

The Kusal's left Hanssen alone once more and made their way back to their daughters bedside to await Hanssen's arrival with a Dr Lockhart who would be bringing Sahira around in a short time if all the ob's looked okay.

Hanssen meanwhile gathered his own thoughts together and made the call for Dr Lockhart to meet him on Darwin. He stood upright checked he was fit to be seen and immaculate as ever. Glasses straightened, mask intact and locked firmly shut he made his way downstairs into Darwin where Dr Lockhart was already waiting on him along with Dr Hope. As he approached he suspected that Elliot Hope may want a word with him, _he prayed it was to update him only on Sahira's condition rather than anything more personal. He feared Elliot Hope pretty much had seen right into his soul over the last few hours and knew exactly how he felt._

"Thank you for being so prompt gentlemen, Mr Hope do you have the full update on Ms Shah's condition for us?"

"Yes l do Mr Hanssen and l am of the opinion that it would be a good juncture to awaken Sahira from her sedation"

"And you Dr Lockhart do you concur with Mr Hope's assessment of the situation?"

"I do"

"Okay then let us proceed to bring Ms Shah back to the real world, after you gentlemen" Hanssen said as he allowed both Doctors to move into Sahira's room while he stayed in the background and watched proceedings get under way. Mr Hope explained to Sahira's parents exactly what they were doing with the reversal drugs and how long they should take to work, while Hanssen stood as close to the exit as possible. He had a sense of maybe needing an escape route once Sahira was awake and then of course there was the fact he had already pretty much told her he was in love with her. He may not have said the actual words but he knew what he meant and he thought she had seen straight into him at that moment which meant she knew also.

Sahira's parents sat on either side of her holding a hand each while Hope and Lockhart administered the drugs via the drip and by injection. Now they all waited, as they watched Sahira's hands started to flex and she began to ever so slightly move her neck. Her eyes were clearly twitching through her still closed eyelids. Hanssen, all six foot four of him stepped onto his tiptoes to get a better look without moving any closer to the bed.

Elliot Hope whispered to her father to speak to her because the gentle sound of a familiar voice helps the patient relate to their surroundings and it isn't so much of shock when they open their eyes.

Sahira let out a deep breath and her eyes flickered against even the dim light in the room, she could hear what she thought was was her Dad's voice next to her and she could feel both her hands being held and gently rubbed and squeezed. As her eyes adjusted to the room, she turned and saw her Dad on her left side and her Mum on her right. The next moment she saw Elliot Hope lean over her with his eye light. "Hello Sahira, welcome back you gave us all quite a shock l can tell you"

Sahira turned to her mother "Where are my boys mum?"

"They are with you aunt and uncle Hanish, don't worry they are fine and as yet have no idea that anything has happened to you so don't worry about them you just concentrate on getting your strength back. I will talk to them tomorrow and bring them to see you when you are ready"

"Give them a kiss and cuddle from mamma"

"Of course l will"

At that Sahira sensed Henrik before she saw him, she always had a sixth sense when he was around. "Henrik?"

Hanssen rested back down on his feet and walked forward to the side of the bed trying to keep his breathing as even as possible and not let the terror he was inwardly feeling show to Sahira or anyone else in the room

"Hello Ms Shah, it's good to see you awake again, you gave us a fright earlier turning up in A & E like that"

"I remember getting out of my car and lifting my bag from the back seat, locking the car and then nothing at all, what happened to me Henrik?"

"You were hit by a car and thrown quite a distance from it, you have a few injuries but nothing life threatening we'll discuss them tomorrow but right now l need you too rest and try to move as little as possible"

"Greg was here wasn't he or did l dream that?"

Hanssen was stunned but kept his mask firmly in place. " Yes Mr Douglas heard about your accident and popped back to the ward to see if you were okay"

" You sent him away from this room didn't you why did you do that?"

Hanssen didn't even blink as he held eye contact with Sahira " Mr Douglas is due on night shift in a few hours l thought it was more prudent once he had established you were in safe hands that he go home and get some rest before restarting his shift, l have no doubt you will be his first port of call when he comes back tonight, in fact l will personally make sure he comes to see you if that is concerning you"

"Please Henrik l need to speak to Greg"

At that last comment Hanssen bowed his head and took his leave along with Elliot Hope while Dr Lockhart ran some tests on Sahira's breathing.

Hanssen couldn't lift his head to speak and Elliot knew all too well the reason for his silence. " I am sure she will make a complete recovery Mr Hanssen try not to worry"

"I am sure she will Mr Hope and in double quick time with all the fawning attentions of our finest beta males at her side" Hanssen stalked off without another word, he took the stairs to his office two at a time opened his door and gently closed it behind him. His six foot four frame slid down the back of the door until he was crouched on the floor with his head in his hands.

*So very sorry it's been just over a week since the last update things have been hectic with travelling to London last weekend ( not for jubilee) and then being delayed in getting home, so l apologise from the bottom of my heart. I know what it's like when your waiting on an update about a story and if your anything like me it drives your nuts! I know exactly where this is going and thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, l really appreciate it. l was really nervous with it being a filler as this one was but two important ones to set the stage. Now we can get on as we get toward the big *talk* between Sahira and Hanssen just one more chapter before we get to it so please l hope you're all still hanging in there as it will be one hell of a talk that l can promise!*


	7. Chapter 7

_**Same day, shift change from back shift to night shift:**_

Greg Douglas arrived earlier for his night shift in order to catch up on Sahira's condition and hopefully avoid Hanssen for as long as possible because he had a feeling things between him and the Director of Surgery could become messy very quickly which was a scenario that didn't fill him with any joy but he just had too see Sahira. Elliot Hope caught him in the locker room and told him Sahira was awake and had been asking for him, which filled the Irishman with hope and joy that she even remembered he had existed. He quickly changed then made his way to her room where he found her lying in very dim light resting but awake and thankfully alone.

"Well hello there stranger, you sure pick the ways to make an entrance it's enough to give a man a heart attack!"

Sahira turned her head slowly to where the voice came from and smiled up at Greg. "Yeah sorry about that honestly l don't make a habit of it"

"Well see that you don't, l nearly gave birth to kittens when l heard what had happened. I popped in earlier to see you but you were still sedated"

"Yes l know you did and Hanssen sent you away with a flea in your ear am l right?"

"Yup you know the ice king, it's his way or the high way and l got the feeling he didn't want me around so l went home once l knew you were safe. I knew there was no way he was going to let me sit here with you" Greg muttered

"Why do you say that Greg?"

"I don't understand?"

"You once said to me that you hoped a woman knew that her best friend was head over heels in love with her what did you mean?"

"That's not important now, all that matters now is getting you well again because we can't have the boys without their yummy mummy now can we?"

"Please answer the question Greg who did you mean was it you, about me or about Hanssen?"

"Hanssen has nothing to do with it, l was just making a general remark that quite frankly l can't even remember making to be honest"

"Don't lie to me Greg please, tell me who you meant. I now know the comment was aimed at me but who were you meaning"

"It doesn't matter Sahira it really isn't important..."

"It is too me, now please l am really tired but l need to know who you meant"

"I meant me, but you know that because l told you how l feel about you...but l also meant Hanssen he's clearly in love with you as well and for a long time l thought you two were actually a secret item but then it became apparent you weren't so l thought it was safe to show my own feelings for you. Why does it matter so much to you anyway, it was a long time ago?"

"Yes it was a while ago but it took me a while for the penny to drop in this ever increasing space between my ears. I am so sorry Greg that l pretty much led you on, for that l am guilty and truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you, l thought by getting close to you it would let Rafi see what he was missing and that was me being a complete bitch as Ms Naylor would say. But it was never about Rafi it just took me longer to see it...you see there was someone else l wanted to get at more than my own husband and l didn't even know it. I couldn't see what was happening or what l was starting to feel. In fact to be honest what l had always felt was something that was bigger than l could ever hope to or imagine feeling for another human being. I just couldn't see the wood for the trees and l lost him. I was awful to him, l goaded him, l used him to get my own way and l've spent the last 8 months and 17 days going over and over things in my head until this morning when l finally bucked up the courage to come back to this hospital and try to put some things right even if it was just our friendship. I am truly sorry you got caught up in my stupid bimbo mind games, l never meant for you to get hurt or even involved it just seemed to spiral out of control when we started to spend some time together" Sahira lay staring at the ceiling with the tears rolling down her cheeks

Greg was stunned at her confession, but he got up ad picked up some tissues from the drawers and handed them to Sahira..."Do you want me to go and get the big guy for you because l think it's him you need to talk too isn't it not me?"

"I am so sorry Greg you deserve so much more"

"Don't worry about it, my heart has been broken before and will no doubt be broken again that's the way with us Irish but we're a resilient bunch so don't fret"

" Will you get him for me Greg and send him down l need to speak to him but more than anything l need to just see his face"

"I will go and put my bullet proof vest on and go upstairs right now and venture into the ice kings cave, but only for you, now don't worry" With that Greg got and left Sahira lying still staring at the ceiling. His tears would keep until he was over this shift and pissed in the nearest pub.

Greg knocked on Hanssen's door but got no reply so he stuck his head in but the place was in darkness and there was no sign of man in question. He wandered down to the night porter on Hanssen's corridor and asked about the surgeon only to be told he'd gone home an hour before and wouldn't be back until morning.

Back down in Darwin he went back to Sahira and explained that Hanssen was caught up in theatre and could be a few hours but he had left word for him to come and see her as soon as possible. Sahira nodded and accepted his version of events without question. Greg told Sahira he'd been called to another ward for a consult but he'd be back to check on her when he could. He turned and left the ward again and once again headed to Hanssen's office stopping only to get a phone number off the Rolodex at Elliot Hope's office. Once he was sat in Hanssen's office he lifted his phone and dialled the number, it only took 3 rings for the call to be answered by Director of Surgery.

"Yes?"

"Mr Hanssen it's Greg Douglas l think you need to come back to the hospital right away there's been a development with Ms Shah and as her consultant l think you need to be here right away"

"Is she in danger has something happened to her Mr Douglas?"

"Not in so many words but you really need to come back to see Sahira tonight and if lam wrong about this then you can sack me in the morning okay?" Greg cracked trying to lighten the moment

"I am on my way"

**Da Dum! Now the Greg fans can launch tomatoes at me, but l had to get that out the way and Mr Douglas dealt with in order to proceed. Two chapters in 24 hours because l have the big talk in my head and how it will go and pan out...much angst, many tears and a few angry words l fear but there is always a rainbow is there not? Thanks for the reviews since yesterday really appreciate them *Away to write the mega chapter and it will be a mega chapter!***


	8. Chapter 8

**So here it is the first part of what l think will be a three chapter conversation over a period of 24 hours. I hope it's okay because we have a long way to go in this talk...**

Chapter 8

Hanssen's car pulled into his assigned parking space for the third time in the same day, although he still had no clue what awaited him within the hospital walls any more than he did upon his arrival the second time.

The absolute terror had dissipated that was true now that he knew Sahira was not going to die from her injuries and in fact apart from the swelling on her brain she should make a full recovery very quickly although she would have to take it easy for a few weeks. He was more irked that Greg Douglas had dared to call him at home after he made way for the Irishman by making himself scarce in order for Sahira to talk too him. That was a visual concept he just could not cope with as the mental torture he had put his mind through since he picked himself up off the floor of his office not ninety minutes ago was testament too, that he was a broken man.

It had finally happened, he'd been completely shattered when Sahira asked for him to get Greg Douglas, he'd known for many years it was becoming a close call and that his feelings for Sahira were becoming harder and harder to hide from himself never mind her. Her rejection of him would have left him not only with an empty life but merely as a shell of a man. Now here he sat not ninety minutes before she had finally made him that shell and he'd gone straight to his office and put it on. He had no idea why Greg had phoned, he knew Sahira was in no danger that's why he left them too it, he knew he would never have left the room never mind the hospital if their had been any doubt at all about her prognosis. So why was he back here again, he knew within himself he wasn't up too another kick in the teeth today he feared it would break him completely.

Having parked the car, he headed into Darwin. The on duty sister was a little shocked to see The Director of Surgery back at this time of night so she sat and waited as he approached the nurses station watching him intently.

"Mr Hanssen this is extremely late for you to still be here is everything okay?"

"You tell me Sister Kemp what is the update on Ms Shah's condition please?"

"Dr Shah is stable, she is still awake l think or she was about thirty minutes ago when Dr Douglas left her, she has had all her drugs at 9.30PM and she is settled. From what we can see at the moment the swelling is slowly going down on her brain. Was there something in particular about Dr Shah's condition you wanted to know?"

"No that will be all sister thank you, tell me where is Mr Douglas at the moment l need to have a word with him?"

"He's on his break in the staff room l think, he certainly hasn't come back as yet"

"Thank you once again sister, l won't take up any more of your valuable time for the moment "

Hanssen headed off toward the staff room in the hope that Greg would be in there and that he was alone because he wasn't sure how well he could hold his mask in place facing the triumphant Irishman.

The door was open and he could see Greg sat at the table eating

"Mr Douglas, l have just been on Darwin and checked with Sister Kemp as too Ms Shah's condition and she advises me that she is stable and the swelling on her brain continues to recede. So please enlighten me as to why you called my home at this unholy hour of the night in order for me to rush back here to see Ms Shah when it appears the good doctor is settled and very stable?" Hanssen was pleased he'd got that out of his mouth in his usual brisk manner without so much as a blink

" Mr Hanssen l'am sorry l had to call you this late in the night but l felt this was something that was not going to wait and l knew Sahira wasn't going to get any rest until she had seen you. That's why l called. l came to find you in your office but you'd left and to be honest l didn't want to be the one to go back and tell her you'd gone home for the night when she was in such a state"

"Why was Ms Shah in such a state Mr Douglas what has happened explain please?"

"It's you she wants too see she's told me everything l needed to know now l guess it's your turn and you know what she's like she won't settle or rest until she gets it off her chest, so please go and see her and if you still want to sack me in the morning for dragging you back in here then fine" Greg snapped which took Hanssen a bit off guard.

"By the way l told her you were in theatre so she wasn't upset that you'd gone, you might need to lie a little to her about your whereabouts, it's all l could think of to stave off her intention to see you"

"Very well thank you for the call Mr Douglas l will deal with this, whatever this is from here on in"

"I am sure you will" Greg muttered under his breath as Hanssen turned to leave

Sahira lay perfectly still staring at the same tile on ceiling. It seemed the only constant thing she had for company at the moment. Her mind was racing she still had no idea how to talk to Henrik, for all the years they had known each other he still managed to remain aloof and you never really knew where you stood with him. He was like a big jigsaw puzzle and she still wasn't sure in her mind that she had all the necessary pieces of the puzzle in order to complete Henrik Hanssen the jigsaw.

"Ms Shah l believe you have summoned me" Henrik tried to jokingly say

Sahira was jolted out of her thoughts just the exact same way Henrik Hanssen had always managed to blind side her.

"I don't think anyone has the capacity to summon the great Henrik Hanssen least of all me Henrik"

"Oh l don't know, l've already been commanded to your side twice today already surely that counts for something, not many people can claim that trophy Sahira" Henrik smiled

Sahira returned his smile but was a little unsure of how to go about starting what she needed to say.

Hanssen pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat down beside Sahira, he crossed his leg over and sat with his hands on his right kneecap firmly clasped together in order that they didn't give away just how terrified he was.

"What is it Sahira you wanted to talk too me, so here l am although l do think you should be resting and not keeping me from my beauty sleep, a man needs his routines you know"

That drew a laugh from Sahira which settled both of them a bit.

"Henrik l have things l need to say to you, that's why l came to the hospital today. I shouldn't have left it so long but l've been absolutely terrified of how you would react to me getting in touch with you after the way we parted" Sahira looked him straight in the eye to see how he would react to that and it would give her a better idea of his mindset toward her at the moment.

" As l recall it was you who said not to get in touch not me, l believe l remember you telling me to crawl back into my own private isolated hell"

"Henrik l am sorry l didn't mean it l was just upset at how things were disintegrating between us and l lashed out l didn't mean to hurt your feelings"

"Yes you did you wanted to hurt me as badly as you could Sahira, although l did deserve a slap in the face for the way l treated you before you left so l apologise as well for my own behaviour it was unforgivable and l'll understand if you feel that we indeed cannot be friends any more" Henrik looked down at his still clasped hands with a feeling of utter dejection washing over him.

"You told me we were never friends so how can we go back to be ing something you've told me we never were too start with"

"Sahira please is there really any point in us dragging over this again it was bad enough the first time"

"An acute agony you said if l remember correctly?"

"I also said it would diminish" Henrik still didn't lift his eyes from his hands

"To be replaced by a dull ache l believe you said. So has it?"

Hanssen looked up and straight at Sahira who held his gaze as best and solidly as she could.

"Has it what Sahira?"

"Has it become a dull ache yet Henrik one that l believe you also said would never go?"

Hanssen was shell shocked and had absolutely no idea where this conversation was going or leading too. If she wanted to put the boot in she was was doing a pretty fair job so far he mused he wasn't sure just how much more of this he could take.

"I was talking about the father and son Sahira l fail too see..."

"Don't lie to me Henrik or try and move the chess pieces around to suit yourself. When you were knelt on the ground in January talking to that man, you were not talking about the grief of a parent you were talking about your own grief. Your own very private grief now please Henrik it's been one hell of day even by my standards of throwing a strop..."

"You don't throw strops Sahira...l distinctly remember you telling me it was an endocrine problem what with being a girl" Hanssen smiled straight at her which Sahira returned

"Yes l remember you telling me l had the fawning attentions of our finest beta males to drive my self esteem"

"I apologise for that, it was uncalled for" Henrik said and she knew he really meant it.

"Answer the question Henrik has the acute agony diminished and been replaced by a dull ache that will never go but at least lets you breath more easily through the day?"

"No it hasn't" He muttered more to himself

Sahira lay looking at this man sat before her with his hands clasped tightly together, she so wished he'd let them loose so she should could reach over and take his hand but she wasn't sure how he would react. Yes he was talking but only to her questions he certainly wasn't volunteering any answers had she hurt him so much by leaving that he had completely closed off to her?

Henrik couldn't take any more of this pain if she wanted to hurt him even more she was accomplishing her aim

" Sahira why am l here please tell me. You made it quite clear you did not want to even have so much as an email from me eight months ago and today you turn up in A & E and l almost collapse myself when l saw you lying on the table in resuss. I do not understand why you have come back to a place you were so keen to leave and have asked to see the man who you said you wanted nothing more to do with. You made it very clear l was in no way a part of your future in any capacity so why are you here and why do you want to see me?"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Sahira was a little taken aback at his shortness with her which given that she knew his cool aloofness better than most was saying something. _God she thought have l actually caused him this much pain?_

"Well Sahira are you going to tell me anything it is getting very late and believe it or not even l require to rest sometimes as do you, you've had quite a day of it and as your consultant l think it would be better if we continued our chat another time. Do you require a sedative to help you sleep?"

_Sahira shook her head limply she really did not know how to get through to him just now, by the looks of things his barriers were erected higher than ever. He was right about one thing though she was very tired and worn out. _

_She sighed..._

"No Henrik l don't need any more drugs l'll be fine l am sorry l've kept you so long today and caused your day to be turned upside down. I do think we need to talk but l suppose that's only possible if both parties actually want to talk? l know l do, l miss our friendship or rather whatever it was that past for our relationship once upon a time. Maybe after some rest we'll both feel in a better frame of mind to sort our problems out because l would like to sort it Henrik that's why l came back I missed you and your bacon slicer stare" Sahira _watched intently to see if he was actually taking in what she was trying to say to him or if the shutters were locked shut._

Hanssen remembered the comment from long ago when she first came to Holby. He thought for a moment and rose from his chair

"Very well we'll talk more tomorrow if that is what you wish. Now l must insist you get some rest" _With that Hanssen turned and left the room without looking back and headed straight out the doors where he didn't bother waiting for the lift, he took each stair meticulously and strode out to his car. Once back in the safety of his car he gripped the steering wheel as his whole up body shook with pain, __the sort of pain as he once said "That never goes"_

The following morning Hanssen was actually late arriving, he'd never been late for anything in his life but he was dreading coming in today. The man who lived for his career with his brilliant cool clear mind was hiding like a scared school boy. Maybe not in the physical sense as the traffic had in fact been horrendous but in his mind he was a tormented soul who feared he was about too hear every word he dreaded from the very first day he had met Sahira all those years ago, _that she wanted nothing to do with him, felt nothing for him and that although she had finally seen sense with that idiot husband of hers she was here to see Greg Douglas and not him._

Sahira had actually fallen asleep very quickly after Henrik had left, it must have been down to the drugs and anethesia. When she awoke Greg Douglas was sitting in the same chair that Hanssen had sat in last night, he was just watching her. "How are feeling this morning Sahira you slept very well, l popped in a couple of times to check on you but you were out like a light?"

" Yeah l must have fell over right after Henrik left"

" So the big guy knows how to put you too sleep and settle you for the night?" He quipped

"Not quite Greg, l don't want to talk about it shouldn't you be off your shift by now what time is it?"

"Yes Mr Douglas, correct me if l am wrong but your shift finished exactly 54 minutes ago and yet here you are still at your post admirable indeed as it is once again l reitarate those 54 minutes will not be coming out of my budget" Hanssen found himself once more stood at the end of Sahira's bed with her chart in hand as he mused over the night shifts notes.

"Greg was just checking too see how l was feeling before he left Henrik that's all l am sure he doesn't want paid for it" Sahira tried to sound light hearted about it but she could almost see the hurt in Hanssen's eyes. Looking back now she realised she had seen that look many many times before and certainly over those last few months that she was here at Holby"

"I was just going Mr Hanssen l just wanted to check that Sahira slept as soundly as it looked like she did through the night"

Hanssen's head shot up at that remark from Greg, it stung that Douglas had been in and out of this room during the night and he watched Sahira sleep. _How dare he taunt him like that, one way or another Hanssen swore to himself Douglas was being run out of this ward and hospital if he got his way..._

_"_Well l am sure Ms Shah appreciated you being around to watch over her, l'll make sure she's in the best possible hands today good day Mr Douglas"

And with that Greg knew he was excess baggage and as much as it pained him, he knew he wasn't wanted here by either of them.

"Take care Sahira l'll see you soon l'm off rota for the next few days"

Again Hanssen raised his head from the notes, if they were together why wasn't he coming back to see her?

"Thanks Greg l will once l see my boys l'll be fine" Sahira smiled

With that Greg left the two alone, he knew even by his laid back Irish nature that the tension between Hanssen and Sahira was palpable.

"Isn't that a little strange that Mr Douglas is not coming back to see you l thought you and he..."

"Henrik... Greg Douglas and l are not involved, yes he would have liked to take things beyond friendship but l don't. I didn't come to see him l came to see you"

Hanssen didn't blink..."Why do you need a job l knew Notthingham was not the place for you l still cannot believe you took it?"

"We both know why l went to Nottingham Henrik so let's not pretend...Are you staying or going because l still feel very weak and just a little sore and it's a long way to throw my voice to the end of this bed in order to have a conversation with you?"

" I am expected in theatre in 40 minutes or so and l am actually running late this morning l got caught in traffic..."

" I thought that had never happened to you before?"

"What?"

"Getting caught in traffic, l remember you chewing me out about being late for the announcement of the consultants post"

"That had nothing to do with the announcement l was simply worried in case you'd had an accident nothing more l assure you"

Hanssen still remained at the end of the bed with notes still in hand and barely read, she had him on the ropes and on the defensive.

"Ah so you do care then as a colleague if not a friend"

"Of course l care" ...Hanssen snapped...There she'd done it, she had finally gotten a reaction out of him just like that night in the carpark...

"I'll be back to see you later after theatre"

" Aren't you going to ask how l am feeling this morning after all l did go nearly 20 foot in the air yesterday?"

Sahira quipped, she knew she was teasing him but he was being so down right obstinate with her.

"How are you feeling this morning Ms Shah, l know from Mr Douglas you slept soundly but are you in any pain?"

"Actually yes l am Henrik"

Hanssen was at her side in a split second " Where does it hurt?" Hanssen prayed he wouldn't need to actually touch her because that would give the game away, he was physically shaking at the thought of touching Sahira when she was conscious

Sahira lifted the sheet and her hospital gown to one side and before Hanssen knew where he was she had took his hand and placed it below her right rib cage. Hanssen thought his heart was about to explode out of his chest. To actually being touching Sahira's skin without latex gloves or material of any kind was sending his senses into overdrive.

He gently felt along the base of the rib cage and around the side of her chest, then ever so tenderly he ran his thumb and forefinger along each individual rib on her right side.

"Is this sore?"

"It's like a dull ache" Sahira whispered

God he knew that feeling well enough...but he was enjoying the feel of Sahira's skin under his fingers he knew he could get very used to that feeling without any problem whatsoever.

" I know how that feels" he whispered back

" I know l remember" Hannsens head shot up at her quip

" Would you like some pain relief for it, it does feel a little tender and swollen?"

"No l don't need any prescription medicine"

" What do you need?" Hanssen was terrified of the answer that was coming for so many reasons and none of them had anything to do with Sahira's physical health.

"Henrik l need..."

" Mr Hanssen?" Henrik jumped as a F1 bounced into the room...

" Your presense is required in theatre right away Mr Malick has run into trouble both he and Mr Griffin would like a consult urgently"

Hanssen closed his eyes and removed his hand from Sahira and replied " I am on my way"

Sahira lay motionless watching him intently..."Henrik.. you should go... you're needed...we can talk later if you still want too"

Hanssen was lost, he couldn't care less about the patient in theatre he wanted to stay here and just be with Sahira and hear what she was going too say.

"Right l will come back when l am through, will you be alright?"

"I'll be fine and anyway l still have some friends here on Darwin l am sure they'll keep me occupied...just... Henrik?

"Yes?" Hanssen looked straight into Sahira's eyes

"Promise me you'll come back and you won't run and hide in your office, l have things l need to say to you...promise me you'll come back?"

"Always" was the reply and with that he was gone...

**Massive apologies for the time this has taken, it's actually been written for over a week but l just didn't have the time to go over it until l was happy with it. I am still not overly chuffed with it but l didn't want to keep you guys any longer as you've been so nice about reading my dribble! Real life has been an absolutely hectic pain in the ass for two weeks that's all l can say. I hope you all enjoy and hang in there because l am going nowhere until this itch is firmly scratched!**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter10

_Same day 9 hours later_, _Sahira's parents and two sons have been to visit which has cheered her up. Elliot Hope has popped in and out through-out the day as have most of the staff of Darwin either for a chat or with her drugs but still no Henrik._

_5.15PM_

_Sahira had all but given up on seeing Hanssen at any point for the foreseeable future as she lay reading in her bed. She knew from some of the nurses on Darwin that he was accounted for for the first 4 and ½ hours of today because he had indeed been embroiled in surgery but no one had seen or heard from him since much for coming back to talk she thought as she shut her eyes to stop the tears from welling up and the frustration finally erupting, she was already struggling to hide her desperation too see him from the staff. Every so often she would bring his name up to whoever happened to be in the room with her just to try and get a handle on where he was or what kind of mood he was in. But no one had seen him since 1oclock._

_Sahira's eyes sprung open as a cough filled the silence of the room._

"Nice balloons did the boys bring them to cheer their mum up?"

_Sahira stared at the man standing in the place he had been this morning, the only difference being this time he was holding two cups of coffee, one chocolate cupcake and one with what looked like vanilla icing on it._

"And here was me thinking some coffee and cupcakes would cheer you up, looks like the boys beat me too it"

_Hanssen tried to smile but he was quite frankly terrified of what was coming. He had spent all morning in theatre listening to his favourite Wagner CD in the hope of helping but had failed miserably. He had berated himself that he felt he wasn't giving his all to his patient lying on the table and that was something he abhorred in someone in any chosen career, but for him it completely repelled everything he had every done and had striven to achieve in his life and the reason was currently staring back at him from a hospital bed._

"I thought you'd gone home or had decided to hide away in your office and brood, to be honest l had just accepted that you weren't going to come back too see me today, tomorrow or at any time Not that l blame you if l were you, and l'd done all l could too help someone throughout their career, nurtured them,pushed them to do better and achieve all they possibly could...to have loved them and to have had to stand back and watch that person meet someone and then get married"...

_Sahira watched Henrik's face flicker and twitch as she said that speech that she had been rehearsing in her head for months. He just stood there like a lost boy staring at the coffees in one hand and the cupcakes in the other._

"Henrik please look at me?"

_Hanssen just held his head bowed unsure what to do now, how to react how too proceed. He knew she could now see right through him and his days of hiding behind his aloof exterior or his sometimes barbed comments weren't going to work any more._

_Finally he drew his eyes up level with Sahira's staring back at him and held her gaze._

"Normally when you would pitch a fight with me l would say my office Ms Shah and l would feel on more secure ground in my own territory.

"You can't control feelings Henrik, they are either there or they are not...You can't dictate and remotely control every situation although l have too say you've done a damn good job of it so far, but we have to talk or whatever we have between us will..."

_Hanssen's stare intensified..._

"Will what?" he said

"Will become poisonous&destructive to the point we'd end up hating each other. I thought l could leave Holby and start again with Rafi without any interference or without Rafi feeling like there was 3 people in our marriage. He could see what our relationship was but l honestly l had no idea until we parted in the car park. I actually did believe you loathed me for leaving after everything that you had done for me. But you didn't did you Henrik?...You were hurting so badly and in so much pain because you were in love with me weren't you?

Hanssen stood rooted to the spot staring back at the woman that had held his heart, his mind and his soul for so many years.

"Henrik please come and sit down, this isn't how l planned on having this conversation with you, but circumstances mean we can't ha_ve _it anywhere else at the moment_. She just seemed to cause this man nothing but pain but she had hoped that she might be able to fix that and repair their relationship and move on if not together in a relationship then certainly as friends or at the very least as colleagues. Quite frankly she would accept any crumbs from his table. She missed him. She was desperately in love with this 6 foot 4 Swedish giant._

_Hanssen just stared at her, then jumped as a staff nurse walked into the room with Sahira's pain killers. He sat the cupcakes and coffee down the table._

"Staff Nurse Jackson would you be so kind once you have finished with Ms Shah's drugs to get me a wheelchair. The good doctor here seems in need of a change of scenery and air so if you

could acquire one for me then l'll play at driver and Ms Shah here can navigate where she wants to go too"

"Certainly Mr Hanssen l think that would do Sahira the world of good" Nurse Jackson smiled at Sahira

_Once the staff nurse was out of the room Henrik seemed to have gained his self control..._

"Do you feel up to getting out of bed for a short while because l think this conversation would be better had in more private surroundings and out of earshot of the walls in this place don't you?" Henrik half joked

_Sahira was ready for him though..._

"Only if by more private surroundings you don't mean wheeling me along to your office in order that you can control the situation?"

_How in Gods name did she know him that well and know his tells...Hanssen shook his head and walked over to side of the bed and sat down._

"Yes l think we should have this conversation in my office out of earshot of every nurse and domestic on this ward. Yes l am sorry but l need to feel like l have some control of my life so yes that is also part of the reason l want us to go to my office but mostly if l am to lay my soul bare then l would prefer we were alone when l did it. Would that be okay with you or do you still think l plan on manipulating the situation to my own advantage because if that is what you think Sahira then we may as well stop this...whatever this is right here and now. _Hanssen held his breath _

_Sahira smiled at him...this was more the Henrik she knew...fighting talk from him_

"Okay it would be nice to get out of this bed for a little while and if your office is best you can offer then your office it is!"

_At that moment her transport arrived and the staff nurse helped her out of bed and into the chair while Hanssen just stood there looking like an unsure of himself goofy teenager. Once Sahira was comfortable and the nurse had left Hanssen clicked the break off and bowed his head down to Sahira's ear._

"In all my years as a doctor this is a first for me...l have never pushed a wheelchair in my life"

_Sahira laughed out loud and replied_

"If you're not careful Henrik people will say l have you wrapped around my little finger"

"Indeed Ms Shah"...

_And with that they headed off down the corridor to the lift_


	11. Chapter 11

_Once in Hanssen's office he helped Sahira out of the chair and onto the sofa, she couldn't help but smile which didn't go unnoticed by her helper._

"Is something amusing you Ms Shah?" Henrik mocked

"You are amusing me Henrik fussing around like an old woman plumping the cushions, l would never have believed it"

"Well l don't want you in any pain so humour me, now is there anything l can get you l am afraid the coffee and cupcakes seem to have fell by the wayside en-route l could go and get some more if you like?"_...he asked_

"Henrik all l need is for you to sit down and talk too me, l know this is hard for you l also know you don't articulate your feelings very well sometimes but l now know they are there or at least they were a few months ago and if they've changed in the last few months then believe me l'll understand and l wouldn't blame you but please let's talk...really talk to one another and sort some things out"

_And there it was, he had no where left to run or hide behind, his Armageddon had arrived just like he always knew it would..._

"Sahira you have said a lot in the last 24 hours, some of it l understand but a lot of it l do not know what too make of. I have some questions l need answered before we go any further and given how we parted l am not convinced you will answer them or seeing as we are opening a can of worms l am not sure l will like what l hear and that scares me" _Henrik sat down in the chair across from Sahira keeping some distance between them until everything was out in the open._

"I've never in all the years we've known each other heard you use that word...scared. How long have you actually been scared of what l could say Henrik?"

"From two months after you became a F1 and came under my supervision..." _Again Hanssen bowed his head in order to hide the pain in his eyes._

"Thank you for telling me that l know it's not easy for you to admit your inner thoughts and fears. Can l share one of mine with you although at the time l didn't realise that what l was feeling was jealousy?"

"You jealous of what?" _He hadn't been expecting that..._

" Not what...but who...do you remember that directors wife who stripped off for you and was flirting with you?"

"How could l forget it still haunts my nightmares" _And he was serious which made Sahira laugh again which in turn made him smile._

"I didn't like it...l was livid that some high class directors wife...or any woman for that matter as l realised much later was flirting with you. I felt very insecure that day and at the time l couldn't fathom why. I remember going to the on call suite for a lie down later on in the shift and looking at myself in the full length mirror to see if l measured up to her toned slender shape...which of course l didn't...I couldn't possibly... l have had two kids l have stretch marks...but at the time l couldn't either see why l was so insecure or l didn't want to see it" _This time it was Sahira's turn to bow her __head and hide..._

_For a couple of minutes there was just silence in the room as both were trying to process what they had heard and what they had just admitted to one another..._

_It was time ….Henrik knew it was time_

"Sahira you are simply the most beautiful, the most intelligent and the most caring human being l have ever met. You make me want to be a better person."

_Sahira looked up to find Henrik completely focused on her and it hit her like a tonne of bricks. This was the same look he had been giving her for as long as she could remember, he simply saw **her** and nothing else. Suddenly Jac Naylor of all people popped into her head...this was what she always meant by ***Hubby***_ _the snow queen of Holby could see what she couldn't. Jac had actually seen the man behind the mask and knew he was in love with her and would do anything to protect her and keep her safe. He wasn't trying to control her like she thought amid all their clashes...he was simply loving her from afar in the only way he knew how._

_Sahira went to speak but Henrik beat her too it, he seemed to be on a roll now and he wanted it all laid bare before them letting the dice fall where they may..._

" I remember about 3 months after you started your rotation in GS as a F1, there was a staff get together...I was determined not to go because l knew all the men not only on our staff but whatever males were in the bar would be trying to talk to you and get your phone number and yes be flirting with you. I couldn't stand the thought of having to watch that unfold but you coaxed and cajoled me... bullied me even to go along, you've always been able to do that to me and l was right the men were falling at your feet. I knew l didn't stand a chance so from that night on l locked my feelings away, stifled them until sometimes when l was alone at home or driving l would just explode. But as time went on l learnt how to deal with how l could be around you, l reasoned that the only way l would be in your life would be as your mentor so l settled into that role. Then you met your husband and you smiled a lot. I was jealous...so very jealous..."

"Henrik?"

"I wanted it to be me Sahira...I wanted to be your best friend, your lover...l wanted to be your husband..." _Hanssen removed his glasses and pinched his eyes together...he was on the verge of tears as he tore the bandage off his deepest most private thoughts..._

_Sahira reached forward and touched his hand on his knee, he reeled back as if she had burned him...then relaxed himself forward laying his hands clasped between his legs. Sahira again reached over and this time he allowed her to slip her hands between both of his. It seemed to calm him this time._

_Henrik took this act of intimacy between them as his cue to continue..._

"When you married Rafi l didn't believe it was possible to hurt any more or feel a pain worse than l felt at that day...that is until Jay was born and then Indy..." _Henrik's voice broke as the tears fell on their joined hands_

"Henrik?..."

"No please Sahira it's time we brought it out in the open, l need to get it out because it's like a poison in me that is slowing eating me. You know how l always chided you about letting the kids clutter your career path..Sahira l have loved your boys as much as you do from the moment each of them was born l would never allow anything or anyone to harm them. Do you remember the day we thought you and Indy had that accident...well l was completely out of my mind with worry and yet l felt helpless...completely impotent. I stood and watched Greg Douglas display his emotions for all the world too see and yet l could barely formulate a sentence. When l saw you walk back onto Darwin l just wanted to hold you tight and then give you a shake and tell you never ever to do that to me again"

_Hanssen looked down at their joined hands and realised they were both gently rubbing each others fingers both doing what they did so well in theatre together working in unison each knowing what the other was thinking and needing._

"I love you Sahira l always have, also l am quite simply and unequivocally in love with you. I love your boys with all my heart and even though we have never been together and no matter the miles in distance that we have been apart over the years neither you or the boys have ever been more than an inch away from my heart. There l've said what l have always wanted to say too you and what l wanted to say to you that night in this office, but l was a fool and a terrified coward of what you would say too you and you alone have the power to destroy the man that sits before you. But do you know as the months have gone on l came to realise nothing was worse than the feeling that you gave me the opportunity to tell you in here that night and l threw you out" _At that the tears fell on both their hands from both of their eyes..._

"I am in love you with you Henrik"

**Ta dum you can all throw the tomatoes at me for leaving it there...l think they need to draw breath though...hope it's okay so far and the last 3 chapters in 24 hours have made up for my failure to post for 2 weeks! **


	12. Chapter 12

_The silence in the room was deafening as both parties tried to absorb some of the bombs that had just been dropped on them. Sahira watched as every neuron fired in Hanssen's head at her revelation, the range of emotions currently flashing across his eyes made her feel slightly exposed. She felt she had to give him time and space too process what had just been said and let him set his own pace to respond but nothing was forthcoming from him until..._

" Why have you come back here Sahira what is it you want from me?" _Henrik had lifted his head and his eyes currently bore straight into Sahira's_

"I came because it finally hit me after l left and wasn't seeing you everyday that l missed you, and then l began asking myself why l missed you so much...was it having you as my back up support, was it simply because we parted on such bad terms or was it because l had feelings for you that up until then had been bubbling away behind my back and then hit me when l no longer had you? I don't expect you to fall at my feet Henrik l know how much I've hurt you. I just want to try and put things right between us and for once in my life not leave anything unsaid. So I'll say it again l am in love with you Mr Hanssen" _Sahira smiled at Henrik who remained motionless eyes still boring into hers._

"I...do not know how to do this Sahira...(_Henrik bows his head) _I have shut my feelings off for so long and my career has been my life as you've pointed out yourself to me on many occasions in the past that l am not sure what l am supposed to do or say."

"Why don't you say you at least want us to be friends again that would be a start wouldn't it?"

"We were never friends, l have told you that before...we were never really colleagues. We were not equals because you were and are one hundred times the human being l am or will ever be...however you have and have always had my heart, my soul and my hopelessly inadequate love"

"Oh Henrik you have so much to give and l was blind that l didn't see it before...remember Thomas the little deaf lad? l saw the way you went out of your way to make him feel good about himself. I remember how you fixed Indy's toy and then went to all the trouble of gift wrapping it again...l now know you moved heaven and earth to give me the CTU when you and l both knew it wasn't the best option for this hospital and even though you knew it was my wedding anniversary you gave me the most beautiful wine to share with Rafi, that must have hurt you so much to do that That isn't the actions of a bad person...please don't beat yourself up...I've made mistakes too and nearly made a huge one with Greg Douglas..."

_Henrik sensed with dread what was coming next, he knew it couldn't possibly be worse than what he had already imagined Douglas doing with Sahira but to actually now hear it from her lips was going to tear him apart..._

"You do not have to tell me about you and Mr Douglas it is none of my business although l confess l made it my business at the time" He quipped

_Sahira let the comment slide and carried on...once upon a time she would have called him on that statement._

"Henrik the day of the accident when you all thought it was Indy and me in the car? Greg confronted me in the locker room and to cut a long story short he kissed me...and l kissed him back although l was racked with guilt. Nothing else happened you have to be believe me, we shared a few kisses that is as far as it went. Greg wanted more...a lot more he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me..._but l didn't _and at the time l thought it was because l loved Rafi. Now l know differently..._it was you Henrik,it was always you"_

_Hanssen got up from his chair and started pacing around he needed some space between him and Sahira he senses and mind were reeling with all the revelations and declarations that he couldn't think straight..._

_He turned again to face Sahira_

" What is the situation with you and your husband have you separated or is it a trial time apart?"

"Rafi and l are getting divorced, l have already filed the papers and he had signed the consent forms as far as l know he's in Afghanistan working at CampBastian for the NHS on rotation. Our big stumbling block is the kids, we're fighting over them and he might just win Henrik because he can prove he pretty much brought them up for the first few years while l worked night and day..."

"For me...is it my fault for keeping you till all hours that he can hold you to ransom over their upbringing?"

"No Henrik l worked all those hours because l wanted to work them. I wanted to learn and l had the best teacher in the game but now l also realise l wanted to be close too you as well. I loved being near you. Jac Naylor was right about one thing and l can admit it openly now...I got such butterflies in my stomach when she would say l was Hanssens girl or when she would call you my hubby...It..._Sahira blushes..._

"It what?" Hanssen asked

"It...felt good...right...l felt safe...nurtured...desired...I just didn't understand that, that was what l was feeling"

"And now?"

_Sahira looks up at the tall Swede before her_

"And now l am terrified that you don't love me any more and that I've hurt you so much that you won't open up to me and let me get close too you but do you really want to know what l want more than anything at the moment?"

"Go on"

"When l am fit again and out of here and when l look human once again and not all black and blue...l would love us to spend some time together and get to know one another if you'd liked too. I don't want us to rush head long into a relationship before we become friends and l don't want to pressure you either if it's not what you want, then I will understand"

_Sahira could see Hanssen was processing everything she had just said...he seemed to be fighting an inward battle with himself..._

_Eventually he looked up but stood where he was..._

"Thank you for telling me everything that you have l know how much honesty and openness mean to you so l think it's only fair that l am honest also. l need some time to think about things all _this_ has come so out of blue l need some time to process it and decide how too proceed. In the meantime l think we should get you back into bed, you've been up long enough and you need to rest and as l am your consultant l must insist on bed rest."

_Sahira dropped her head …...he was closing down on her and she knew him well enough to know he would only speak when he was ready so it was pointless arguing..._

"Okay Henrik you're the consultant so I'll do as l am told"

_Hanssen wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed that Sahira hadn't put up more of a fight...he loved sparring with her...he loved it when she nagged at him...poked fun at him with patients...but right now his mind was reeling and he was struggling to keep a lid on his thoughts...This was for the best he reasoned he needed to be alone to able to think rationally and with a clear head...not with the woman he'd been in love with her God knows how long staring back at him..._

_Hanssen helped Sahira back into the chair, she noting his tenderness of touch with her, him noting how hard his heart was pounding in his chest..._

_Once back in her room he helped her back into bed and made sure she was comfortable at which point the door opened and her two little boys Jay and Indy came rushing in _

"Mama Mama" Indy shouted "We've come back to see you before bedtime!"

_Henrik stood aside and let the boys come close, he lifted Indy up onto the bed as Sahira's parents came through the door..._

"Ah Mr & Mrs Kusal good too see you again and in better circumstances than yesterday, Sahira is on the mend and should be fighting fit before too long"

"Good evening Henrik and thank you for all your help and looking after our daughter, boys what do you say to Dr Hanssen for looking after Mummy and helping her get better?"

"Thank you Dr Hanssen for taking care of our Mama!" _both boys said in unison as Sahira_ _laughed at the two boys and squeezed them both tight into a mama hug_

_Hanssen meanwhile blushed furiously and bowed his head_

" You are both very welcome boys it was my pleasure to be looking after your mummy and l am sure she'll be very happy that you have come too see her again.

Mr & Mr Kusal l will leave you alone with your daughter and Sahira l will see you tomorrow, don't be tiring Mummy out too much boys"

_With that he was gone...into for him would be a dark night of the soul..._

_**I hope this story is going okay for everyone because reviews have tailed off drastically! Anyway onward with the next chapter and Henrik's dark night of the soul LOL**_


	13. Chapter 13

The lights in Hanssen's house were off save for the single table lamp on his desk in his study.

The man himself sat in an armchair beside the fireplace, to his left sat a bottle of Johnnie Walker red label which he'd picked up coming through duty free on his last business trip abroad, it was something of a routine he followed picking up a bottle as you couldn't buy it in the UK which seemed totally absurd to him given it was made here. _"Why the hell am l even thinking about where the whiskey is made when my world and all that is familiar and safe to me is crumbling around me?" he mused..."Delaying the inevitable that is what he was doing..."_

He sat there still in charcoal suit, white shirt open necked tie skewed and his waistcoat opened staring into nothingness which pretty much summoned up his life to date.

Yes he was a brilliant surgeon, yes he had risen to the top of his profession but it came at such a high cost._"I don't know how to be a man, l don't know how to form friendships, relationships l have absolutely no idea how to go about getting to know another human being because l do not even know myself or what l am or am not capable of giving. How can a 47 year old man be so academically brilliant and surgically precise and yet so abysmal at normal everyday things people take for granted? _He envied some of the mundane patients and families that turned up in the hospital sometimes...

He sipped his whiskey trying to find some solace or some inspiration on how to go about getting to know Sahira..._"Sahira the woman l have longed after, mooned over like a teenager for so many, many years and now that she has come too me l have absolutely no idea what to say to her or how how to act around her. Am't l supposed to be the dominate one in this relationship. Didn't l goad her once about Douglas being a beta male whereas l was an alpha male... well it seems not because l am like putty in her hands, l get tongue tied, l panic... What the hell am l going to do...l don't know how to love her although l know l do... l've deliberately not entered into any kind of bond or intimacy with any woman before because l knew it would be wrong, l would be lying too them but mostly to myself...I only ever wanted Sahira, her love...her touch...her friendship and if l couldn't have her then l wanted no one...l only ever wanted Sahira to see me...the man behind the aloofness, the arrogance...and now that she does she'll see right through me, my weaknesses and my inability to communicate my thoughts and feelings especially to her...Good God then there is the boys those beautiful gorgeous boys who are so full of life and love...l have absolutely no clue who to be a friend to the them or even begin to form a bond..._He sips his whiskey again...and the thoughts continue their assault on his mind.

Two hours and 3 quarters of a bottle of whiskey later and Henrik has taken too pacing his study like a tormented wounded animal...

"_Supposing l do let her in what happens when the next Greg Douglas comes along, l could not deal with the loss of her after being with her but then what do l actually have to give her except my hangs up and nightmares about my childhood without my parents in a foreign country and my inability too let anyone get to close because they always leave...Sahira left me...she has left me four times in all since we met. The pain each time gets harder and harder to bare... so maybe it would be better to just be her friend but then l know that is just not an option either because l have never been her friend. It's not like l haven't already told her we were never friends,although l don't think even now she gets what l meant that night in the car park...she was always so much more than a friend...she was Sahira...my Sahira...only she wasn't mine and never was...until now...now she's opened that door and l have a chance if I'll take it and let the dice roll where they may...am l man enough for that...l don't know...l really do not know..."_

Henrik heads out towards his kitchen and slams his kettle on, time for some coffee...black and strong...he has too think before he faces Sahira tomorrow.

Coffee made...he heads up to his bedroom and the shower while the coffee cools a little on the bedside table...

Once showered he lies in his bed and a light goes off in his head...

"_In the near future Sahira could be here with me lying in this bed under my duvet in my arms because l know l would hold her tight every night, l would never get tired of being close to her...we could have been out to the opera...or taken the boys to the zoo...or just stayed home and played games with the boys and watched TV...God what type of TV do little boys watch nowadays...it was westerns when l was a boy...not that l got much chance to watch TV being holed up a British boarding school...Could l be a Dad...could l be partner...a lover...a friend to Sahira...Could we make a life together? Does she have patience for me?...She never had it at work, she was always the boss although she would argue the point that l emotionally blackmailed her all the time, but l didn't l just didn't know how else to love her and deal with the my own inner turmoil as well. _

Henrik sipped his coffee as images flashed through his head of Sahira in his kitchen, in his shower...in his bed...but most of all he smiled at the thought of Sahira in his car what a strange thought... him driving them to some opera somewhere or a picnic with the boys...or to dinner with her parents...yes Sahira in his car with a couple of electronic games of the boys in the back...He'd like her to pick him up at the airport after a busniess trip...just for her to be there when he got off the plane...he would be a good Dad...he'd make sure of it...Sahira's kids he would treat as his very own, he already loved them like they were his own and yet he didn't even know them...they were just names too him...but they were Sahira's so how could he not love them?...

"_At the end of it all though l still have big hang ups in my life...l didn't have a great childhood...it was cold and emotionless. I was void of any parental love after my mother died...l have never touched another human being except through latex gloves...God what will Sahira think because she'll know l've never been with a woman...l have never had sex...l am a virgin...a 47 year old virgin and there it is when all said and done...l have no idea how to be with a woman any woman at all never mind Sahira..._

Henrik lay his coffee back down on the bedside table and just lay staring at the ceiling in his bedroom...he resolved to one thing...he had to be honest with Sahira from now on about his feelings, his fears and the terror that sometimes gripped him. He also had to find a way to tell her just how inexperienced he really was with women...and would she still want him knowing he wasn't the arrogant director of surgery with the bacon slicer stare as she kept telling him...he was a terrified man...a man scared of letting the woman he loved down...

As he finally drifted off too sleep the last thought he had was simply..._"Please God let me be enough for her..._

**_Many many thanks to those who have taken the time to review the updates, it means a great deal believe me you have no idea! I really was beginning to think l was the only one writing and __reading this! I hope Henrik's dark night of the soul has disappointed...it's shorter than other __chapters but it's how l think his mind would operate when alone and the fears he has...he always looks like a scared little boy when Sahira was around as if she could see right through him. As for the virgin bit...l firmly believe that he hasn't ever been with anyone...l think he fell in love with Sahira when she was an F1 and that was it for him...anyway thanks again next chapter is already half written and will be finished and posted tomorrow..._**


	14. Chapter 14

_Sahira had tossed and turned most of the night, so as well as being sore from her injuries she was still very tired as she woke with the clattering of trolleys on the ward outside..._

"Good morning Ms Shah how are you feeling today?" _Henrik was sat on the same chair Greg Douglas had sat on the previous morning when she woke..._

"I feel about as good as you look Henrik do you have a hangover?"

"No...well actually yes l do l am afraid l consumed a fraction more than l should have last night and now l am paying for it with a headache that seems to know no bounds in pain. But enough of me how are you feeling, l was going to waken you a while ago you seemed to be having a nightmare, you were very restless. I hope on this occasion it is nothing that can be attributed too me?" Henrik smiled at her

"I had some flashbacks l think of hitting the car and of falling...you know the dream you have where you just fall and fall it was like that but as if it was on repeat and l feel a little tender around my stitches but l will live thanks to your genius in surgery"

"Ah flattery will get you nowhere with me Sahira you should know that by that now..."

"I am learning Henrik believe me l am learning...anyway why are you sat in my room at this time of the morning not that I'm not pleased too see you..._because..._l am... you do know that don't you?"

"Yes l think l do...did you have fun with boys last night they must have cheered you up no end bouncing back in here as they did and so full of life?"..._He was stalling and he knew it which meant Sahira probably knew it as well._

"The boys were great, my parents were great and they all know l will be home safe and sound in a few days...you're stalling on me Henrik...just tell me what you've come to say...good or bad...I'm a big girl now and l can take it...l may not like what you say...but _l will _accept it. Have you thought about what l said last night and about what l would like to happen between us in the future?"

_Henrik sat once again with his head bowed pretending he was reading notes of some shape or description...he knew he was fulling no one, not Sahira and certainly not himself...he was going to have to step up one way or another..._

"Yes l have thought, analysed l have even picked apart every single syllable of our chat, you know how l am l think too much . For as long as l can remember l have stored and filed away every conversation we've had over the years, they were all l had to hold on too. I don't think there is any point in me pretending that l don't have feelings for you and they are not and never have been as a mentor. I am truly so very sorry l almost physically threw you out of my office l didn't know what else too do, you had caught me red-handed as it were... There was a split second when l was sat in my chair and you looked at me after you asked if l was in love with you..._Henrik leans forward in his chair but doesn't make any attempt to touch Sahira..._There was a moment when l almost told you the truth and at that point l would have begged for your forgiveness and pleaded with you too stay. But then like so many other instances in my life and in our connection to each other the moment was lost or l saw a look appear in your eyes that simply made it impossible for me to tell you. I was a coward and l was terrified of your rejection so it was easier to keep my feelings to myself and pretend that l could love you from afar, guide you and keep you safe. But l was wrong... you left me yet again, only this time it has torn my heart apart Sahira and l don't know how too fix it..._Sahira says nothing at all just lets him talk...she's never heard him open up like this...she's never seen him so wounded...**only she has**... she can see it now...the flashes of him saying "_He simply could not let her go" _when the plug was being pulled on CTU...The man who stood before her when she cancelled their trip to Sweden for the conference...The man who let her believe she had resigned the hurt when she left his office that day...The man who stood staring at her the day of the crash when they thought it was her and Indy in the car...She just lay there and let him continue to talk...to get it off his chest..._

"I don't know how to form relationship, l never really had any while l was growing up after my mother died and l was sent to England to boarding school l became a sort of ghost, it was a means to an end for me. Here l was this tall Swedish boy who didn't play Rugby or football or any sports...although l liked to Ski...but it was either Rugby or Football and if you didn't play either sport or weren't interested in them then you were a freak...or a geek...or a nancy boy...or a mummy's boy...so l disappeared into my studies and kept a very low profile. As we got older some boys would sneak away to meet girls from other schools but l didn't l just worked on my studies, it was what l excelled in. I guess by the time l went to university l was pretty good at not being seen...it just made my life easier l suppose and as the years have gone on it's become a part of who l am. But then up rolls this bubbly F1 while l am on rotation and suddenly I'm all fingers and thumbs and to my great shame I've continued to be all fingers and thumbs around you ever since.

_This time Sahira does lean over and takes his hand..._

"Henrik look at me please...l meant ever word of what l said yesterday, but I'm also to blame for us tiptoeing around one another...l know that now...l must have given you some very confusing signals over the years and l didn't realise. I suppose l was just as guilty as some of the other people in your life and l treated you as a ghost as you put it...l didn't see you...l saw the brilliant surgeon not the man behind him. I want to put that right if you'll let me...would you like too spend some time together when l get out of here and just see where it goes...repair our friendship...because you keep telling me _"_We were never friends"...

"We were never friends Sahira, you were always so much more than a friend you just didn't know it. You are apart of me Sahira and the power you hold over me scares the life out of me, l lose all rational thought when you throw me a curve ball and tell me you're leaving or your resigning...I can't take that again...It hurts so very much...So if there's a chance that in a few weeks you might hear from Rafi or decide that you've made a mistake then l would rather know just now because you hold the power to destroy me Sahira...and all l have is my work so please tell me if you have any doubts about us trying to form a future of some kind together?"

_Henrik looks up and sees Sahira wipe the tears from her eyes...then bows his head again..._

"Henrik when my consultant says l can finally get out of this hospital would you like to come over to my place I'll get rid of my parents and the boys for the night and we could watch TV and eat popcorn because l think that's all my doctor will let me do for a few days after l get out...he can be an absolute tyrant at times?"

_Henrik smirked to himself before lifting his head and looking at his right hand entwined with Sahira's left hand and her fingers rubbing his gently and so soothingly..._

"I may be busy Ms Shah but l will have Kelly check my diary, now l really must get up to my office because l have a list of electives today that need my urgent attention. I am sure you will be in capable hands with Mr Hope when he decides to join us today" Henrik got up as the day shift ward sister walked into the room with Sahira's drugs for the morning.

"Sister Gallagher, l would appreciate all your efforts and those of your staff in getting Ms Shah here as fit as possible and back to her healthy self we don't want her taking this bed for too long and we certainly don't want too keep her away from her boys any longer than is absolutely necessary" _Henrik squeezed Sahira's hand tightly against his and winked at her as he turned on his heel to leave the room..._

"Will you be back later Mr Hanssen?" Sahira joked

_He didn't turn round..._"Maybe Ms Shah..."

_**Thanks for the reviews over the last 24 hours guys, it's an interesting mix of people who like me think Hanssen wouldn't have had any relationships in his life and those who think because he was a med student he must have had. It's good to have different view points and see how other people view the character, l personally think he was a ghost at med school and very unsure of himself but could be very arrogant as a pretence and a defence mechanism. I certainly don't think since he first met Sahira he has even looked at anyone else. Anyway hope this chapter was okay and thanks again for those who take the time to send me a review it spurs me on and it's great knowing people have the same thoughts of Hanssen as l do...proves l am not too mental!**_

_**Onward we go...**_


	15. Chapter 15

The morning past even slower than Sahira thought possible...She was so pleased when Indy and Jay burst into the room like only little boys can...

"Mama we've come to take you too lunch" Jay told her

"Have you now and did you have a particular place in mind for our lunch date sweetheart and come and give mama a cuddle I've missed you both so much!"...

_Both Jay and Indy climbed up on the bed as Sahira's parents came through the door._

"They ran on in front both were so excited too see their mummy" Sahira's mum told her

"Oh it's fine l missed them so much it's just good to see them again so soon although lam not sure I'll manage lunch Jay"

"But mama we'll take care of you" Jay said

"Well if Grandpa wants to go and ask for a wheelchair maybe we can go to the café at least and get some cake? Dad I'm sure one of the nurses will give you a wheelchair I'm not up to walking that far"

_Once comfortable in her wheelchair and the boys pushing her to the lift they headed down to the staff café. It was a nice change of scene for Sahira who was feeling very claustrophobic in her room. The family got comfortable and Sahira's mum went and got juice and crisps for the boys and coffee and carrot cake for the adults. They happily spent some time catching up and talking with the boys about school and what they would do when Sahira got home. Indy wanted to sit close his mum because as the youngest he didn't really understand why she couldn't come home for another couple of days at least, so there were one of two little moments of tantrums and tears but on the whole they had a nice time..._

"I am pretty sure the last time l saw you Ms Shah you were on complete bed rest on the strict instructions of your consultant and here you are the moment my back is turned off gallivanting around the hospital" Henrik stood towering over the table the family was sat at trying to look as stern as possible

_Sahira smiled up the tall Swede and blushed a little as his eyes bore into hers._...

" Henrik my boys made me an offer l couldn't refuse what can l say?"

"Indeed and how may l ask did you two boys tempt your Mum from her bed?"

"Cake...we offered her cake Dr Hanssen" Jay piped up

"Ah l see l will write that down in case l need to get your mum to do something for me sometime now where did l put that notepad...ah here it is" _Hanssen pulled out a note let pad and pen and wrote the word cake on it...then showed Jay it to see if he approved_

"Won't you join us Mr Hanssen for a coffee?" asked Sahira's mother

"I'm afraid not Mrs Kusal as much as l would like too, l am actually en route to a meeting that l simply cannot get out of it but thank you anyway"

"Maybe another time then...l know my husband & l would like to thank you properly for your intervention and taking over Sahira's care. It means a lot to both of us too know she's in very good hands" Mrs Kusal replied

"It was my pleasure now l am afraid if you will excuse me l really must make a move or I'll be in the naughty step l believe it's called with the board of directors"_ Hanssen nodded to Mr & Mrs Kusal and said goodbye to the boys and that he was trusting them to look after their mum...lastly he turned to Sahira..._

"This meeting will last a couple of hours but l will pop in on my way back to see you, try not too overdo it coffee, cake and then bed please l must insist"

" Coffee Cake and bed...ahem...l think I've got that..." _Sahira smiled up at Henrik as he turned and bowed his head to the others at the table and then he turned and blushed furiously as Sahira as he took his leave..._

**Just a short little update before we move on and Sahira leaves hospital which means...the big Swede will be coming over too visit...**


	16. Chapter 16

**Firstly l have too say a great big thank you for all the wonderful reviews and to each and every one of you who have taken the time to let show me l am not the only person reading this story as well as writing it! Sorry it's been a few days since the last update as well but you were all spoiled last weekend with a few chapters out every day, am afraid work commitments and home life has been busy this week. Anyway onward we go am going to jump ahead 3 further day because l think you all want too see how our gallant hero will cope at a movie and popcorn night...but first we need a little interlude so this is a small filler chapter leading onto other things...**

_3 days later...Still on Darwin, Sahira is now packing up her belongings along with a nursing assistant whom she doesn't really know as this girl is a temp..._

Sahira had made good progress with her recovery over the last few days not that she had much option with most of her former colleagues keeping a very close eye on her and making sure she got plenty of rest. She was so thrilled to be finally getting discharged not only because she really didn't like being on the patient side of the hospital fence but because it meant that Henrik would hopefully be going to spend some time with her if he kept his earlier promise and they hopefully got to know each other, which when Sahira said it in her head sounded utterly silly as they'd known each other for best part of 20 years. Just as the thought filtered through her head the object of her thoughts appeared at the nursing station on Darwin. He was busy signing some notes handed to him by the duty sister that it gave Sahira a chance to just watch him from a distance without being observed then suddenly she jumped...

_The nursing temp was saying something to her but she'd missed the jist of what she was saying..._

"I'm sorry what did you say?" Sahira asked the girl

"I was saying that he terrifies me the way he slinks around the corridors like creeping Jesus"

"Who?" Sahira quizzed although she knew the answer

"Him, the boss man l keep out of his way I'm always scared he's going to go through me for something you never know what's coming next"

"His bark is worse than his bite l promise" Sahira smirked...although she knew fine well he could send a cold shiver down the spine of anyone who crossed him or wasn't up shaping up to his standards.

"God here he's coming" The temp cringed as Hanssen appeared in Sahira's room.

"Good Morning Ms Shah l believe l have your release papers to sign this morning?"

"Morning Henrik yes indeed you do l am desperate to get out of this hospital it's not good being on the other side as it were" Sahira smiled

"Well l hope my staff have given you the best care and attention while you've been with us?"

"Absolutely even the Director of Surgery has been looking after me and bringing me coffee and cupcakes if he isn't careful that dark veil he created will slip"

_Hanssen turned to the agency nurse and asked her too excuse him and Sahira he needed to have a chat with her...the young nurse was only too willing to get out of there as she really was terrified by the giant Swede and his commanding demeanour. _

"When are you expecting your father to pick you up?" Hanssen queried

"Dad said he'd be here by 10.30 after Jay was dropped off at school and Indy was in nursery so he shouldn't be too long. I'm glad you came down actually because l wanted to ask if you would like to come over later and have dinner with me the boys and my parents, they would like an opportunity to thank you for looking after me and l don't think my mother will take no for an answer Henrik so will you humour her?"

"I have a meeting with Sir Fraser at 5.30 and l don't know how long it will go on so if your mother doesn't mind me turning up a little late then l will look forward to it?"

"No I'm sure that will be fine, they just want to express their gratitude although l must admit l would like you come as well and so would the boys but l don't want to put any pressure on you and or make you feel obliged. I know we've said we'll spend some time together and get to know one another but if you feel it's too soon then I'll understand."

"Sahira it's fine l would be delighted to join you and your family and l meant what l said l do want us to get to know one another l won't renege on that you have my word"

_Just at that Sahira's father came into the room to collect her..._

"Hello sweetheart are you fighting fit for getting out of here this morning? Good morning Henrik" Sahira's father said.

"Mr Kusal good to see you" Hanssen shook the old man's hand

"Has Sahira told you that you have been summoned to our house for dinner tonight if your free?"

"Yes indeed Sahira was just telling me and l would be delighted to join your family if you don't mind that l may be running a little late as l have a meeting to attend first"

"That's no problem you come as soon as you can lad, l know both my wife the boys and Sahira will be delighted that you can come isn't that right sweetheart?"

"Yes dad I've already asked Henrik to join us"

_Hanssen kept his head down as he wrote out the last of Sahira's notes and the prescriptions she had to pick up at the pharmacy on the way out...secretly he was thrilled at the prospect of spending time with her and her family, it was something he never ever thought would happen and yet in a few short hours he would be doing it for real..._

_Hanssen looked up_

Okay Sahira you're good to go, just please do not overdo it with the boys when you get home you still need to rest are we clear on that?"

"Yes Henrik l'll be good l promise and you'll be able to check up that I've done what I've been told when you come over later" Sahira smiled at him

"Then l will leave you in the capable hands of your father as I'm due in theatre and l will see both of you later for dinner. Take care of her Mr Kusal do not let her do too much she must rest."

"I will keep a very close eye on her Henrik don't worry"

_With that Hanssen turned and bowed his head to Sahira and her father and took his leave knowing that he had much to look forward to later but for now he had business he must attend too..._

**Just a short chapter to get Sahira out of the hospital so we can move on...now how will Henrik cope at a family meal with Sahira's parents and kids...not too mention his emotional state at having to be a little more open with Sahira...Oh l'm sure his nerves are jangling!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Authors Note: Many many thanks for the patience shown on waiting for this chapter to be posted l am really touched by the PM's l get pestering me when the next chapter will be up it does make my day and l really haven't held off posting this because l wanted too but more because this chapter has been written 16 times in last 2/3 weeks and l've scrapped it every time because l just wasn't happy with it and if l am honest l still am not totally happy with it but it's been driving me nuts as much as it has you and l know that _brandstifterin _will testify too l have been battering my head off the laptop at times trying to reach a point l was happy with. I have also like everyone else been avidly reading Brandstifterin's Beyond Reasonable Doubt and l don't want mine to overlap with hers and lam sure likewise hers with mine so we're both doing a bit of juggling l think to show two different possibilities and dynamic of the relationship. I Love these two fics just as much as the rest of you and l am here for long haul on this as l've said before. I just didn't appreciate how picky l would become about portraying Henrik and Sahira as l see them. Someone also asked about the name Kusal...in all honesty it was done in error l had forgot Sahira had kept her maiden name. Anyway thanks again for your patience believe me l am just as glad you lot are that this is finally posted. I just hope l've done them justice.**

_Dinner time..._

Henrik had finally gotten home to shower and change before his meal with Sahira's family.

Here he stood though a fully grown man with a wardrobe of expensive suits, shirts and ties and yet he hadn't a clue what to wear, he did have casual clothes but they mostly consisted of shirts and soft cashmere sweaters and he really didn't know what the hell he was doing. He didn't want to turn up at Sahira's parents home in a business suit mainly because he wanted Sahira to see off the clock Henrik but also he didn't want the boys to think of him as the doctor..._always the doctor..._He wanted the boys to come too see someone they could play with _if they wanted too of course _pondered Hanssen as he stood at the door of his walk in closet...So smart but casual it was going to be. After looking at sweaters and matching shirts and trousers were picked he laid them out on his bed, stood back and pondered..._pale pink shirt, soft grey v-neck cashmere sweater and black trousers...that's the one he thought._

At Sahira's parents house the mood was jovial and filled with a sense of relief for Mr & Mrs Kusal that their daughter was back home again with her sons and for the first time in a long time she had a smile on her face; they didn't know exactly what had put Sahira in a good mood but they both had a feeling it had something to do with their guest who was expected any time to share in their evening meal. At least they both hoped it was the Director of Surgery who had finally made their daughter smile again hence the invite to dine with them.

Sahira meanwhile was staring in the bathroom mirror at the woman looking back at her. Her life had changed so much in the last few months, she knew she had made the right decision ending her marriage to Rafi but what still stung was the fact that she had had the man she loved right there in front of her for all those years and yet she never once saw him..._how could she not have seen Henrik's love for her when it was so blatantly clear looking back now...so much time wasted, so many chances of real happiness and a time that they would never get back again so that was why Sahira had finally bucked up the courage to go to the hospital that day in the faint hope that A, Henrik was still ruling the place with an iron rod and B,because she knew she just had too see for herself if he still loved her because she would move mountains to be with him now or at least be in his life in some capacity because she knew how hard it would be to gain his trust again. And yet __here she was battered and bruised from a disastrous marriage and from being thrown in the air by a car, praying to whatever God there was that Henrik would come tonight and not make an excuse and back away now that she was out of hospital and on the mend._

Indy and Jay were in the front downstairs lounge playing on their play station or at least Jay was playing on it and Indy was trying to do what his big brother was doing...but being just 3 he wasn't quite up to speed.

Henrik sat in his car on the driveway of the Kusal household so unsure of himself and berating himself at his inability too just relax and enjoy the evening and just for once in his life let the dice roll and fall where they may. He had always needed to be in control,have everything in order in his life, he had tried that in his working relationship with Sahira to keep her under control or rather he had tried to control her movements and he was wrong in that and that ultimately was why he lost her in the first place. He knew things would have to change if they were going to pursue a relationship together, he had to be more open and trusting of Sahira's intentions. He knew she wouldn't set out too hurt him now but he didn't think she realised just how much of a capacity she had to crush his very being. It was something they would have to talk about at some stage but he resolved that tonight was about enjoying a meal with Sahira, her boys and parents.

Sahira's father opened the front door to the giant Swede...

"Henrik it's good that you could make it, we've been looking forward to this all day come on in"

"Thank you Mr Kusal" Henrik nodded and entered into the family home..."Please call me Asif, we don't like formality in this house" Sahira's father assured their nervous guest.

Sahira's mother appeared in the dining room door way

"Henrik thank you for coming to our home to share a meal with us. What lovely flowers are they for Sahira she is just trying to settle the boys down from their computer game in the other room l'll just get her"

But there was no need

"Hello Henrik you made it then?" Sahira blushed as she quipped at Hanssen

"Yes indeed Ms Shah l made it...ah Mrs Kusal these flowers are actually for you as a thank you for allowing me into your home tonight to dine with your family"

"Oh Henrik they are lovely I'll just put them in some water and check on dinner, my husband will arrange some refreshments for you"

At that moment the boys came crashing through the lounge door full of excitement...They both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the giant Swede

"Boys you both remember Henrik from hospital when Mamma was ill don't you?"Sahira knelt down to the boys

"Yes" came the response from Jay... Indy said nothing but scrunched his nose up as he looked up at the giant before him...

"Well would you like to say hello to Henrik and maybe thank him for looking after Mamma so well when l was in hospital?"

"Thank you Dr Henrik" came the reply from Jay while Indy just looked skyward at Henrik

"You are very welcome Jay it was a pleasure looking after your mummy and you can just call me Henrik if you'd like too?"

Indy tugged at Henrik's trouser leg...the Swede looked down and kneeled down beside the little boy

"Tank you Dr Henik for looking after Mamma" Said Indy

At that moment Hanssen's heart finally melted and he fell head over heels in love with these two little boys whom he had wished for so long were his own.

"You are very welcome Indy it was my pleasure" Hanssen smiled at the little lad staring back at him.

"Okay boys why don't you both go and wash your hands before dinner and get yourselves settled up at the table before Grandma serves up supper" Sahira guided both of them out of the lounge as she heard her father hand Hanssen a glass of wine and offer the man a seat. Sahira popped her head into the kitchen to see how her mother was getting on...but really she just wanted to draw breath before she went back into the lounge. She was in love, totally and utterly in love with Henrik Hanssen and as nervous as hell.

"You should go to him Sahira, he's waited a long time to be here with you, it is you he has come too see not your father or I but you, go and try to relax this evening and whatever will be will be" Her mother said...Sahira just looked at her mother..."How did you know Mum?"

"I've always known Sahira...right from the time you came came home from your very first rotation as a F1 on his ward, but it wasn't for me to tell you, a woman has to come too realise these things for herself. I always knew or rather l always hoped this time would come when Henrik came to this house as something other than a colleague"

Sahira blushed at her mother's honesty, turned towards the lounge and hopefully the future

In the lounge the two men were deep in conversation about something Sahira had no idea what but here goes she thought to herself and she went through.

Hanssen turned and gazed as Sahira made her way across the lounge and poured herself a mineral water.

"How are you finding those painkillers l prescribed are they making you queasy at all?" Henrik enquired

Sahira turned and smiled and shook her head "No they're fine and are doing the job"

Hanssen turned back to Asif and they continued their conversation as Sahira moved to take a seat on the opposite sofa from Hanssen. It wasn't a move designed to put a distance between them she just wanted to observe him a little off duty and if she was being honest she couldn't believe how cute he was out of his suits. For his part Hanssen knew he was being watched and kept Sahira in his peripheral vision as his conversation continued with her father. He loved the fact she was watching him it made him feel wanted, he just prayed she would always feel that way about him and he wouldn't do anything to muck up the beginning of their relationship.

"Okay dinner is ready if you all want to come through" Mrs Kusal announced as the party got up and all made their way through to the dining room. The boys were already seated in their usual chairs and Asif went to head of the table while Henrik and Sahira took opposite sides of the table meaning that Jay was sat next to Henrik and Indy was sat in his chair next to his Mum so she could help him with his food. Once dinner was served the group began eating and the conversation about various different things including what Play station games Indy and Jay were currently playing became part of the general chat. Out of the blue Jay turned to Henrik and asked if he would play a game with him after dinner so he could show him how good he was at it. Henrik looked to Sahira for guidance on how to proceed but she just smirked at him and casually let him know he was on his own with this one!

So the challenge was set that after dinner they could play one game before getting ready for bed.

The main meal soon turned into sweet and then as coffee was being made Henrik found himself in the family room surrounded by Jay, Indy Asif and what he was to learn from Jay was the console handset for playing games on the Play station.

Luckily for Henrik the game of choice for the boys at this moment was tennis which even he knew how to play he just wasn't so sure about this instrument you just held in your hand and swung at the screen in order to hit the ball. Henrik was never going to be a cool dude with a games machine but he was determined to enjoy his time with the boys so if that meant making a complete fool out of himself then so be it. Both boys thought it was very funny how Henrik was so tall and yet kept missing hitting the ball much to their teasing. Sahira decided it was time to give him a break and distract the boys by taking one of the hand consoles and setting it up to play Henrik while the boys took sides Indy being sure Henrik would win because he was really big and Jay thinking his Mum would win because she was really good at playing which Henrik found out to his cost as within 5 minutes of the game starting it was over. Sahira and Jay had soundly beat him, little did they know that actually they had beat him along time ago when he first fell in love with Sahira as a F1. In his minds eye the dye was cast many years before tonight.

Both grandparents had already planned this evening out as well in order that Sahira and Henrik could have some time alone without them or the boys hanging around, so once the furore of Henrik being thrashed at tennis by Sahira and soundly whipped into place by Jay the grandparents set about taking them upstairs to get washed and ready for bed leaving Sahira and the Swede alone for a while. So the boys said their good night's to Mamma and Henrik then headed off upstairs with their grandparents leaving the two doctors alone.

"Would you like another coffee?" Sahira asked as they made their way through to the conservatory via the kitchen.

"Yes please" came the response

Sahira was glad for something to occupy her hands as she found herself alone with the Swede for the first time on equal terms...both nervous of what would happen next and who would make the move or even if the move would be made and that finally barrier would be removed between them.

Henrik stood leaning against the middle island of the kitchen watching intently as Sahira raked around in the cupboards for new cups.

Decision made he moved over behind her and put his hands on either side of the work surface trapping her in place, Sahira froze in place letting him dictate what would follow:

The tall Swede bent his large frame and nuzzled his head into Sahira's hair and the nape of her neck smelling the fruity tang of shampoo that he had always wondered about then gently without moving his hands from the work surface he swept her hair with his chin and cheek and planted soft kisses on the side of her neck and then dragged his head back through her hair and did the same on the other side all the while never allowing his face to break contact with her long hair whooshing over him. Sahira stood baulk still with her eyes closed enjoying the sensation that Henrik was creating around her neck, he gently began nibbling on her ear and she could no longer stand the ache of not being to touch him back so she tried too make a move to turn but was held in place by the Swede as he whispered "Not yet Sahira let me do this please" in her ear He continued his gentle ministrations until Sahira thought her legs were going to give way from the softness of his touch as she wobbled slightly. Hanssen lifted his hands from the work surface and placed them on her hips locking her where she stood but with him taking the weight of her body back against his.

He leant forward again and whispered in her ear

"Sahira whatever happens from here on in, know this l have loved you for as long as l can remember. Not only have l loved you, but I've been in love with you every moment of every day of that time. I've watched you grow, mature, I've watched you with other men" At that Sahira tried to turn but he locked her firmly in place and continued talking gently in her ear. "I've watched you give your all for what you believe in, I've watched you succeed and I've watched your failures with equal measure. I've stood in the back ground and watched other men win your heart, I've watched you marry and bear another man's children and for that l am truly sorry... those boys ….should have been mine and they would have been mine had l been man enough to show you how l felt all those years ago. Alas l was not and for that l had to endure the thoughts or what might have been and believe me l spent more days and nights than even l care to admit loathing myself for not being then man you needed me to be and the man l needed to be" At this admission he heard Sahira start to cry and his heart broke a little inside so he turned her around to face him and took his hands and placed them on either side of her face as he raised her head up too look him in the eye. He gently wiped away the tears from her cheeks as the tears began to fall from him as well.

"I love you Ms Shah but yes l am also very much in love with you also, every second of every moment of every day and you scared the hell out of me when l came into the ED and you were lying on that table. Please do not ever do that to me again promise me taht?" All Sahira could do was nod to him as he smiled at her while she raised her hands to wipe his tears away.

Again Henrik focused back on her and continued what would turn out to be his most profound statement yet.

"Sahira there has never been a woman in my life. No one was ever going to measure up to how l felt about you, no one ever could capture my heart and my imagination or infuriate me the way you do so l am not very good at all this and l will make some awful mistakes no doubt both in what l say and what l do because l've never slept with anyone, I've never shared my bed Sahira. l've never made love to a woman because it was going too be you or no one" At this declaration Sahira clasped Henrik around the waist and pulled him into a hug which they both desperately needed after that admission. Never had she felt so loved or cherished as she did right now at this moment. She was in complete awe of the man before her and the love and devotion he had for her.

Sahira loosened her grip on him and looked up as he smiled back down at her...

"I love you Henrik l think l always have but l just didn't realise it and yet right now it all seems as clear as can be and l feel so awful for having put you through watching me go about my life and get married and the boys...God Henrik the boys you're right they should have been yours... always yours."

"Listen to me" again he lifted her head to look him in the eye

"Whatever happens from this night on l need you to know this, l want us to fight and row at work and yes sometimes at home because l believe that is what happens in relationships. I want to work with you again, l need you beside in the hospital you give me balance and make me see reason when l become stubborn. I want to be your other half in every respect. I want have a normal family life with you and all that entails. I want to cross swords with you again at work and have you nag me senseless because you have no idea how l've missed you nagging me and putting me in my place but no matter what happens during the day,l want to come home with you at night to our home, l want to drive us home Sahira to our boys, to our own children if you want more. But most of all l want and l need to go to bed with you at night and wake up with you in the morning and be the man you make love with for always.

At that second Sahira couldn't stand not kissing him any longer so she lifted her hands up around his neck and allowed him to lift her up onto the bunker as her lips crashed against his releasing a pent up need he knew he would crave like a drug every day from this moment on. Sahira wrapped her legs around his thighs holding him in place as he nipped at her bottom lip seeking permission from her to allow his tongue to dance with hers. The pent up need and desire for control fuelled the kissing to new depths which was fast causing both to lose control when they suddenly jumped apart as the two grandparents made their presence known by the obligatory cough...


	18. Chapter 18

**Authors Note:**

**As promised to a certain fellow writer here is the next chapter, again thanks for the reviews and the patience l hope you enjoy the follow up of dinner:**

Twelve hours had past since Henrik left the Kusal household as Sahira sat at the kitchen table with her morning tea and painkillers. She had fallen asleep not long after Henrik left but she couldn't help but think she would have slept a lot better if the Swede had been there with her and the endless possibilities of that though thrilled her. However, as much as last night had opened her eyes and shown her a side of Henrik she would never have believed was possible this morning her body was telling her too slow down because the exertions of the previous evening were taking their toll on her slight frame. So here she sat with a cup of tea and 3 painkillers. Sahira's mother had seen to the boys this morning and her husband had taken them off on some boys trip in order too let their daughter rest and gather her thoughts because both knew what they witnessed last evening in the kitchen had been a long time coming. Both had known for many many years that the tall Swede was in love with their daughter and at times it perplexed them greatly that Sahira couldn't see it, the older couple had spent many nights having the conversation about what their daughter was doing and even saw in Rafi, yes he was a good father to the boys but he was never on the same wave length either intellectually or in intensity that had always been Henrik.

"Penny for them Sahira?"

"What Mum?" Sahira lifted her head towards the older woman

"Penny for your thoughts, you are away in another world this morning l don't suppose they have anything to do with what your father and l witnessed last night in this kitchen would it?" her mother teased

Sahira smiled at the older woman and blushed a little. "You weren't actually supposed too see that Mum, you caught us off guard poor Henrik was so embarrassed and l felt like a teenager being caught by her parents with her first boyfriend!" Sahira had to laugh because Henrik's face had been a picture when they were interrupted. "I've never seen him lost for words or looking like he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar before"

"I am sure he'll survive Sahira" her mother said as she pulled up a chair and sat down beside her daughter."He's a big boy now after all and from what we saw he made you feel the way a woman should feel when she's with the right man"

Again Sahira looked at her mother then took her painkillers and a sip of tea "why did it take me so long mum too see what has been in front of me all these years?"

"Sometimes it is what is right under our noses that give us the biggest shocks of our lives. I've know Henrik since you were an F1 many years ago and even then l used to watch him stand to the side and let you flourish and find your own way in the world. I'll never forget the sorrow on his face the day you married Rafi. The pain and burden that man was carrying shocked even me who already knew he was in love with you.

"I've hurt him so much over the years mum how can l ever make up for that?"

"That's simple Sahira, you give yourself to him as he clearly has too you and from what l saw last night l think he's told you as much. He's a complex man, a quiet reserved man who has led a very solarity life up until now, just let him move along at his pace, he's waited all these years for you now you have to let him find his feet and grow into this new role. Just grow together Sahira and you'll both be just fine as will the boys.

At that moment the front door sounded and Sahira's mum hushed her daughter to stay where she was and rest as she got up and went to answer the knock.

Sahira sat thinking over her mother words and wisdom and didn't hear the older lady re-enter the kitchen.

"Well someone is popular this morning my dear l suspect these are for you and not me, your father stopped sending me flowers a long time ago now"

Sahira turned to see her mother stood with the most beautiful bunch or red roses laced with white ferns and red and white bows. She got up and took the flowers from her mother and sniffed the sweet scent. "Oh mum they're beautiful how sweet is he?"

"I think the term your looking for my dear is he's in love and there's a card attached there for you as well, I'll let you read it in peace and go and do the motherly thing and find more vases."

She opened the card and read the enclosed:

Sahira, l have waited a very long time in order to be able

to go into a florists and order you flowers and then write a note

as l have with this one. I only hope l convey my thoughts to you

correctly and you see the man, not the doctor, the friend, the colleague,

but the man who has waited a very long time to do this.

Simply my darling l love you, all these years have gone by

and that remains the overriding feeling l have with every beat of my heart.

Know this Sahira, no matter what the future holds for us

and no matter when we are apart, both you and the boys are

never and will never be more than an inch away from my heart.

All my love

H.

Mrs Kusal came back into the kitchen a few moments later to find her daughter sat where she had left her with tears streaming down her face.

"Sahira are you okay?" her mother enquired slightly unsure what had just transpired in the few moments she had left her daughter alone. "Yes mum lam more than okay, l just have to speak to Henrik but l can't call him because l know he has a trust meeting just now and the pressure that exerts on him, but I'll send him a text just give me a moment"

In the boardroom Hanssen sat across from Sir Fraser and several other suits, this morning was proving tougher than even he had imagined. For once in life he couldn't focus entirely on what was being said and asked of him, his mind was still playing the previous evenings events in the Kusal kitchen over and over in his head. He really thought the pain of the last few months was something that could never be topped, that ache he had felt and how he had missed Sahira which had become almost a physical pain in the months she was gone. But here he was feeling that same ache...touching her, smelling her hair and her skin feeling her in his arms at last and the feeling of touching her lips, kissing her and being able to lose his hands in her hair were images that had gave him the most restless nights sleep even he could ever imagine. God how he missed her when he left last night, and he knew that wasn't a feeling he was going to be able to put with for very much longer. He needed her with him, in his everyday life, his work life, his home life,he needed her nagging him about work and about doing the right thing. He needed her in his car, in his home, in his bathroom, his bath, his shower he needed her in his bed.

At that moment Hanssen was jolted out of his reverie as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he reached in and pulled the phone out as Sir Fraser droned on in the background.

He smiled as the screen showed he had a text message from Sahira...he opened it unable to contain himself until this farce of a meeting was over.

You and me alone tomorrow night your house

we have some unfinished business. Thank you for

the flowers they are beautiful.

S

XXX

Henrik smiled to himself being careful not to give anything away to the group of people sitting around the same table.

Again his phone flashed up a message again from Sahira

he opened and read simply

I Love you, my boys will love you

and we may be apart today

but you are never more than an inch from my

heart.

S

XX

Henrik's heart swelled till he thought it would burst he pressed Reply

To Sahira

Ditto, my love

H

XX


	19. Chapter 19

**Authors Note:**

**Many thanks for the Reviews and PM's l've had over the last few days this is just short interlude on how Mr Hanssen is coping at work whilst his mind is clearly elsewhere...There should be a couple of more chapter by Friday and then that will be it for 2 weeks as l am off on holiday to the USA so onward and once again thanks to all those who take the trouble to review it is very much appreciated**!

"Yes Mr Hope l trust this is a matter of the utmost urgency that you feel the need to accompany me en route to my much needed and much earned lunch?" Hanssen continued walking as Elliot shuffled along side with customary mountain if papers in hand

"I was just wondering if you had heard how Ms Shah is recovering now she is back at home and where home actually is?"

"Is there a particular reason that you think l would know Ms Shah's every move since she was discharged?" Hanssen quirked sideways at Elliot giving him his most Hanssen like stare...

"Well no l suppose not l just assumed given your past with Ms Shah and the fact that it was her parents who were present throughout her stay with us that maybe you had an inside knowledge of how she is coping. I do not suppose it can be easy coming out of hospital with her injuries and having two little boy to still take care of and with no Rafi it would seem?"

Hanssen knew Elliot was fishing for information on the state of his relationship with Sahira after all it had been he who pretty much came running for Hanssen when Sahira was admitted and he had more or less let his guard slip in those panic filled first hours of her stay at Holby.._Yes Hanssen knew that Elliot Hope has seen his terror and fear of losing Sahira and he suspected he had dug that Swedish dictionary out of the furnace before it took hold the night she left. God that dictionary was still in his office drawer, he had planned on giving her it when they had went to Sweden for the conference but of course his plans for that weekend had been smashed. Maybe at some point soon in the future he would take her to Sweden too the Opera and maybe take the boys sledging or whatever it was that young children did these days in his day it had been skiing and sledging in various forms but he knew Indy was still too young for that._

"Well Henrik have you heard from Sahira or have you seen her?"

"I shall indeed pass on your good wishes Mr Hope should l see Ms Shah in the near future, now if you will excuse me l am on a tight schedule today and l really must get some lunch" With that Henrik strode off down the corridor leaving Elliot Hope smirking after him..."Yes indeed he thought he is in contact with Sahira"

Having made it back to his office with his tomato soup and having told Kelly to hold all his calls he seated himself down at his desk, sat his soup down along side his spoon and contemplated whether he could wait another minute in his desire.

Decision made he lifted his mobile phone and hit speed dial no 1

The call was answered in 3 rings..."Hello Mr Hanssen what can l do for you today?"

"For a start you can stop calling me Mr Hanssen, then you can explain to me how your pain threshold is today and how the scar is healing, also l want to know how many painkillers you've had today and finally tell me how you slept last night...Tell me Ms Shah did you have a restful nights sleep?"

"Well number one l was slightly tired this morning and my body let me know l maybe shouldn't have had that game of tennis with you. Number two my scar isn't so red today and is seems to be healing fine, l must remember to thank the surgeon when l next see him. Number three l have had four painkillers in total today so far which is good as it's only one more than my doctor actually prescribed and lastly l did sleep soundly last night" _Hanssen smiled on the end of the line_..."But l think would have slept a lot better if l has someone there that l could use as an extra cushioning pillow" Sahira tried to hide the laugh in her voice, Hanssen was having none of it though he knew she was teasing him...

"Indeed so it seems that other than slightly overdoing your exercise programme last evening you are on the mend and of course we must not forget your need for a larger pillow too sleep with but other than that you are okay this morning?" Henrik held his breath for the answer

"Other than my need for s large long soft pillow l am fine" Sahira tried to say in all seriousness as she tried in her minds eye to picture Hanssen's expression on the other end of the phone.

"Well that's good I'll see what l can do RE the pillow, l will see if l can sort something out for tomorrow night for you with regard to that. Now l must apologise and say good bye because l have major surgery in twenty minutes time and l still have not had any lunch"

"Okay" Sahira sounded slightly disheartened he was ending this call so abruptly as they were just flirting with one another and it was fun teasing him.

"You are distressed l can tell, what's the matter?" Hanssen asked although he knew the answer...but he simply couldn't continue this conversation with her here and now because he had had to hold himself together and not just get in his car and go straight to her parents house first thing this morning and deliver the flowers himself.

"Did you sleep last night Henrik? " Sahira asked desperate to know the answer

_There was a pause on the other end of the line_

"No l did not Sahira, l paced my house for a couple of hours when l got home. I then cleaned my fridge would you believe and sorted out my suit and shirt for today and all that at 3am because l couldn't sleep in my bed alone without you. Now l know how it feels to hold you l feel myself craving it with every fibre of my being and alas if l don't get off the phone right now now then l fear my afternoon surgery will be cancelled because l will simply have to come and spend the afternoon with you and as much as that is exactly how l want to spend this afternoon indeed every afternoon Holby Trust pay me to be the Director of Surgery. I'll see you tomorrow night at my house I'll call when l am leaving here bring the boys if you would like l have plenty of room for them or if you would rather we spent some private time then l will go with whatever you're comfortable with. Now l really do have to go so until tomorrow?"

"Until tomorrow Henrik"

"Bye Sahaira please get some rest"

"Henrik before l go... l missed you just as much last night see you tomorrow"

Hanssen closed his eyes tight at Sahira's last remarks because if she felt a fraction of the separation that he had then he was a very happy man indeed"

"Ditto my love bye"

"Bye" Sahira said as the line went dead

Hanssen went to lift his spoon in order to have a quick bite when the door was knocked and opened

"Yes Mr Douglas what can l do for you but whatever it is please make it quick because l have many things too do this afternoon" Hanssen didn't even look up at the Irishman because if he had then Douglas would have been in no doubt who the finest Alpha male was...


	20. Chapter 20

The last 24 hours past tortuously slow for Hanssen, there were moments of absolutely elation that he had a date with Sahira then hours of pacing and self doubt wondering how he was going to be all that Sahira needed him to be both for her and for the boys. He didn't want to let her down not when they had finally started to get somewhere in their but mostly he didn't want to let himself down and push her away which he knew was possible. Having never lived with anyone or had any relationships of intimacy in his life he simply had no idea how things worked, but he was determined he would open up more to Sahira and try and relax around the boys and hopefully eventually they wouldn't come to view him simply as the doctor or even worse as Uncle Henrik which made his insides shudder.

Once in his car he lifted his phone and pressed speed dial no1..._Sahira picked up on the 2__nd__ ring_

"Am l correct in assuming that it only took 2 rings for you too answer the call Ms Shah?" He teased

"I just happen to have the phone at hand Henrik don't flatter yourself" she retorted

"Well l will try and refrain from feeling somewhat smug, anyway l just wanted to let you know l am on my way home and should be there in about 20 minutes so you can come over any time you like either own your own or with the boys l do not mind at all"_ he said and he meant it. It only mattered that she was there in his house with him and they could spend some time together_

"I'll check my diary l am not sure if l have anything on tonight, but if l don't then I'll pop over too keep you company" _Hanssen sat in his car smiling to himself at that last remark and he started to relax a little. He want to end the call and tell her he would see her later when she dropped the next little bombshell on his lap_

"By the way the boys are staying with my parents tonight they have some grandparent spoiling going on l think" And with that Sahira hung up knowing full well the reaction that news would have on Hanssen..._who was indeed sat in his car looking like a rabbit caught in the head lights...he had too get home quickly..._

90 minutes later Henrik had showered and changed into jeans and a pale blue shirt...he was now back in his kitchen making some pasta and meat balls but in a very Swedish way. The door bell rang and his stood for a second, ran his hands under the tap and wiped them on the kitchen towel, he then flipped the towel over his shoulder and padded through to his front door pausing just for a split second before opening it up to see the woman stood before him..._Sahira clearly had the same thoughts on how to play tonight by wearing jeans and a red v neck top which was fringed with lace._

"Hi sorry l am little later than l thought l would be the boys had too tell me all their plans for their fun night with Grandma and Grandpa.

"No it's fine l was just cooking us some food l hope you're hungry although it's only pasta and meat..."

"Swedish meatballs?" Sahira asked...To which Hanssen just nodded and stood aside to let her into his long narrow hallway which led to the kitchen at the end and half way along you could turn into his lounge

"Come through, l would offer you a glass of wine but as your doctor you shouldn't have any alcohol with those painkillers. How are you feeling anyway?" he asked once they were in his kitchen and he had put the pot back on the hob.

"I am okay better than l was yesterday, l think l just overdid it a little with the tennis but l am fine now, I've rested all day today so l would fine tonight" She teased him knowing full well it would cause him some embarrassment

He turned round to face her and his usual razor sharp deflective comments he asked what she wanted to drink given wine was out of the question as long as he was he doctor...Mineral water it was then and once he had poured her some and handed her the glass their fingers gingerly trailed over the others. Hanssen turned and began stirring the sauce for the meatballs it was then he felt Sahira's hands around his waist and right round his tummy as she planted a soft kiss on the middle of his back.

"Mmmm I assume you are hungry then?" he dead panned

"Absolutely starving Henrik..." she planted another kiss on his back and squeezed him a little. Hanssen removed the pot from the hob, turned the power down and then turned to face Sahira

They just stood there not saying a word, it seemed to be a time to just explore a little more so they began by threading their fingers together then turning them over to see how they looked entwined, then Henrik gently ran his long thin fingers up Sahira's bare arm which made her jump slightly from the shiver he caused.

"That's interesting Ms Shah l think l may have just found your tell" It wasn't a question he knew damn well the effect he had just had on her...

"So that means you have an unfair advantage over me Mr Hanssen, l suppose l'll just have to try and ascertain where your tell lies won't l " Again it wasn't a question...she stood on her tiptoes and he instinctively knew to bend down to meet her as their lips touched their fingers found one another again and entwined. The kiss was gentle and it was Sahira who took the lead gently pecking his lips and removing her lips completely in between kisses, she knew he was enjoying her actions because the space between each individual kiss was getting smaller and smaller until Henrik crashed his mouth against Sahira's demanding entry at which point Sahira again shivered and clung on tighter as he continued his onslaught of wrapping his tongue around hers and showing her he was the alpha male, there would be no beta males around here. He... Henrik Hanssen was very much the man of his own house...and right now completely sure of how his actions were affecting Sahira...

Eventually the need for air forced their separation as they both took in how incredibly good it felt to be able to do that too one another...more than anything though it felt right and that was what mattered most. For all Hanssen's insecurities about being good enough for Sahira and man enough for her...he knew now that here, right now at this moment in time everything was perfect.

"Let's eat and have a chat shall we?" Hanssen dipped his head towards the food waiting to be served up.

"Yes that would be lovely" Sahira replied as she took a seat at the table where two place setting had been laid complete with napkins in their rings. Once the serving bowls with laid out one of pasta, one of meatballs and one of salad Henrik sat down across from Sahira and offered to play Mum and serve...

"Why didn't you bring the boys tonight l wouldn't have minded at all, you know they are welcome any time. I don't want them thinking l am taking their mum away from them for hours at a time and they end up resenting me. They're only little boys after all"

"Thank you for saying that Henrik, l do appreciate it l really do but for tonight l wanted to have you all too myself, l _need_ to have you all too myself and if that's wrong then l am afraid l really don't want to be right" Sahira watched his reaction intently to see how he would respond but in true Henrik style all she got was...an " I see"...Moments later they both giggled and starting eat their way through the simple meal

An hour and a half later dishes cleared into dish washer in true Hanssen OCD mode, table mats and napkins removed they made their way through to the lounge with nothing more than a coffee each, given that Sahira really shouldn't have alcohol with those pills she was on Henrik decided he wasn't going to be the one having a drink alone so coffee it was.

Sahira slouched down in the middle of the sofa and kicked off her shoes then lifted one leg under the other and faced Henrik side on. Hanssen lifted the remote control for the Bose system and classical music filtered through the sound system all over the room. Once settled one leg crossed over the other and coffee in hand he asked the question that was playing on his sub-conscious...

"What is the situation with your husband, has he fully accepted that the marriage is finished or should l expect him to turn up in my office one day looking for pistols at dawn and l will be forced to fight for your honour?" he said trying to make light of what was in fact worrying him

Sahira sat her coffee down the table in front of her and turned back to the Swede. "Rafi and l are getting divorced, l knew from the moment l got in the car that night all those months ago and l saw your face saying goodbye to me that l was making a momentous mistake even by my endocrine problem standards, but l felt l owed it to the boys too at least try and make a new start with their dad. I didn't realise though that if l was sad and miserable then my boys were too. It got to the point that l used to sit with your email address open, your mobile number on my screen just waiting for me to press call anything to feel closer to you. I felt like l was suffocating every time Rafi was in the same room as me. I used to accuse you of suffocating me...but that's when l realised l had to see you again l just had to know if there was ever going to be a way for us find a future together or if you would shut me out like you did those last few days that l was here. I was terrified of you shunning me Henrik that's why it took me so long to come and see you" Sahira realised that at some point in the midst of her speech her fingers had once again become entangled with the Swede's and he was gently rubbing his long thin fingers back and forth around her shorter ones...

_Henrik released the breath he didn't even realise he had been holding..._

"I was filled with panic the night you left my office. I came looking for you a few minutes later and Ms Naylor took great joy in telling me you had left the building for good. I can barely remember getting down the stairs, l was being persued by Mr Malik and Mr Griffin regarding a botched surgery earlier in the day that almost ended in a fist fight between them. I couldn't breath Sahira, l felt as though my world and all l held dear was crashing down around me and do you know l couldn't have cared less about the surgery repercussions l just wanted to see you one last time. I needed to embed your face in my minds eye because that was all l was going to have too sustain me from that night on. And yes l wanted to pick a fight with you so you would nag at me again and I'd eventually tell you how l felt about you and it nearly worked, it very nearly worked. I did manage to rile you and you took the bait and when you jumped out the car and l thought yes this is how it's going to happen, l would say it in a moments madness just to see your reaction...But then the father and his endeavours for his sons survival thwarted that as we know and the chance was lost. I felt awful for that man with his son lying there on the concrete and l was unable to assist any more...but l also felt terrible for using him to try and convey what l was not strong enough to say to your face...that l love you, l have been in love with you for more years than l care to remember and l would do anything even beg if you would just stay in Holby with me...even if you were still with Rafi, l would have hated it but l would have lived with it because at least l could still see you everyday and love you from afar and l had already convinced myself that would be enough...but it wasn't...it was never ever going to be enough..."I love you Ms Shah...and l give you my word l will endeavour to do my utmost to make it work between us if you'll allow me to love you properly and take care of you and the boys?" _He hadn't realised Sahira was almost sitting on top if him now still clasping his hands as he looked up at her_

"Henrik will you do something for me right now at this moment in time?"

_The Swede squeezed his fingers with Sahira giving his acknowledgement..._

_Sahira smiled at him and looked at their joined hands..._

"Henrik stand up, take my hand and take me too your bed and don't even try and rationalise your thoughts. Please l think it's time we showed exactly how we feel about each other don't you...we've waited too many years to get to this moment...lets grab it with both hands?"

_Hanssen thought just for a split second...that was all it took for him to push Sahira off him and stand up, he then asked Sahira to do the same which she smiled and did willingly. Henrik bent down and flicked the remote off on the Bose placed the pad back down on the coffee table turned to Sahira and before she knew she was in his arms being carried towards his bedroom and the start of their life together..._

_**Authors note: Many thanks to all those who continue to review, it lets me see its not just me and a certain fellow writer who is reading this story! I hope this chapter is all you hoped it would be and I've done Henrik and Sahira proud. The next chapter will be "M" rated so if that is not your thing please don't read it. The only downside at the moment is alas l go on holiday to the States tomorrow night but l am trying to get the next chapter out before we leave and then lam afraid you'll all just have to wait for two weeks! Anyway hope it was okay?**_


	21. Chapter 21

**Authors note: Firstly thank you too those who took the time to review this story over the last couple of months, l really do appreciate it and it's made my day at times. **

**When l started this l never thought anyone would read it and l was really just writing it to get it out of my system because l firmly believe Hanssen is totally in love with Sahira and l really don't believe the story is finished with them on Holby. I firmly believe at some point in the future when Guy Henry decides to leave that "Ms Shah" will be back for a couple of guest episodes. Anyway that's just what l think and it's just MHO!**

**Thanks for the patience waiting for this chapter which l just didn't get time to write properly or do justice to before l left for the USA two weeks ago and sorry for the typo errors in the last chapter it was rushed in order to get it out before l left so you weren't completely left hanging...So this chapter is now written and l am actually happy with it...It is "M" rated with a capital "M"as l think the relationship would be extremely passionate once it started so if you are easily offended then please don't read this chapter...for the rest of you however many are still actually reading this...I hope you enjoy and l hope I've shown the extreme passion of the relationship.**

The only sound you could hear in Henrik Hanssen's house was the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hall and the creaks as the couple went upstairs with Henrik still holding Sahira in his arms and Sahira with her arms locked around his neck and her fingers playing with his curls at the base of his hairline. Once at the top of the stairs Hanssen set Sahira back down on the floor and looked at her for her consent before he took her hand and led her down the hallway to his bedroom the door was already open and his bedside lights were already on from earlier in the evening so the room was gently backlit, he let go of Sahira's hand at the entrance and held out his palm allowing her to decide whether she really wanted to move into his private space or not. Sahira just smiled at him and walked through the door and as she passed the Swede she held out her hand and let it trail across his stomach and finding his other hand she gripped it and pulled him after her.

Once in the room fully they both turned and gazed longingly at one another wondering which one was going to make the first move. Sahira knew he was a virgin, he had told her that already and as nervous as she was, she knew he must be terrified right now.

It was the Swede who spoke first

"I have a confession to make"

"Okay...as long as you're not about to tell me you've gone off me and you think this is a terrible mistake then l think l can just about cope with a confession... what's wrong Henrik?" Sahira was secretly terror stricken at what he might say, she really didn't think she would be able to cope if he withdrew from her now just when they had finally gotten to this point...

Henrik blushed and struggled to find the words he wanted to use and he wasn't sure how he wanted to use them when he did eventually find the right words, he didn't want to blow this now, not now...he wouldn't be able to cope if she withdrew from him now...just when they had finally gotten to this point...

"You...er...know l am not in the habit of putting myself in a position of vulnerability...l think you have also realised by my words and confessions on previous private occasions between us that l am not entirely a professional when it comes to relationships and..."

"Spit it out Henrik...just say what's on your mind l won't bite and l promise l won't run ..."

Henrik relaxed a little and the words just seemed to spill out before he knew where he was and what he'd said...

"I stopped on the way home tonight and l went to the chemist where l bought protection, l wasn't sure if you were taking any form of contraception although l know you said when you were in hospital what drugs you were currently taking and yes l admit l noted there was no mention of any form of pill contraception so l bought some...however l don't want you to think that l am protecting myself against any STD's or anything like that...it's just l wasn't sure... l also did not want to presume anything..." Hanssen was blushing profusely and Sahira couldn't help but think it cute...she had to put him out of his misery before he spontaneously combusted...

"Henrik look at me..." She took his hands and placed them on her hips and then she slipped her hands around his waist pulled him close to her so their mid-sections were touching from their thighs to their chests..."I bought protection too" she giggled..."Protection for you..but l didn't want to presume that you would want to... you know..." she blushed " I would want too... what Sahira?" _he asked as he quirked his head to the side_..."I wasn't sure you would want to make love tonight...here...with me...l didn't want to assume anything but you're right l am not on the pill there wasn't any point when l was no longer involved with Rafi " she sighed "Indeed" was his reply and she could see he was weighing up her words...

"Henrik l stopped taking the pill when l was no longer with Rafi because when l WAS with Rafi l was never NOT going to be on the pill again. You don't understand what l am trying to tell you do you...?"

"Not right at this moment no" he quipped

"I never wanted to fall pregnant with Rafi again. I love my kids and yes they're half his and l would lay my life on the line for them, l love them beyond words...but l didn't want Rafi or any more children... with HIM... Henrik. I was with the wrong man so l made sure l WAS ON the pill when l was still with him and yes that made me a bitch because he didn't know l was taking contraception. When l left finally l stopped the pill right away and not because l was planning on coming here and snaring you with a child, but because l wanted my body in shape both outside and inside in case we did manage to make a future together at some point. In the meantime l didn't need to be on the pill because if my life wasn't going to be with you then there wasn't going to anyone else, not any more."

Her words were spinning through Henrik's thought process and she knew he was weighing what she had just said every carefully

"I am not entirely sure what one is supposed too say when they've just had the feet taken from them. Are you telling me that you have pictured us in the future with the boys and our own _family our own kids half yours, half mine?"_

"Yes l have Henrik and you were right Jay and Indy should have been your boys, but you didn't do anything wrong, it's my fault pure and simple that l didn't see what was right in front of me years ago because if l had then they would be _your boys_.._our boys_ Henrik, but right now at this moment in time l think we need some US time and l would very much like to make love to you and for you to want to do the same too me before we both burst with nerves" Sahira pulled him just a tad tighter and felt him respond both with his hands and other parts that were becoming more prominent to her hip bone

" Sahira l would very much like to move this on but only on the understanding that..."

"Henrik!" She squealed "Make love to me now!"

He smiled the way only Henrik could with both his eyes and mouth at the same time betraying his deepest desires.

He bent down and pulled her even closer knowing full well she could feel his need for her growing by the second and whispered in her ear.

"What l was going to say was that only on the understanding that this protection is a short term measure and once things become more permanent and absolute then we will disregard the offending items with due contempt. Do we have an agreement Ms Shah?" The words dripping off his tongue like velvet chocolate drizzling down Sahira's throat and pooling at the base"

"Yes" was she managed to croak before he lifted her up and lay her down on top of his bed

Henrik knew he was getting good at touching Sahira where she was sensitive and drawing a shiver out her body when he dragged his fingers along her arms or neck , it was becoming quite an art form to him but this was a whole different ball game now. He wanted everything to be perfect, he wanted to touch her in all the right places and elicit delightful moans from her that would carry him whenever they were apart. But he was terrified, having never gotten this far with anyone before he was really out of depth and given that Sahira pretty much knew this was the first time for him he decided to be open with her and honest.

"I am scared" he said taking her hand as they lay side by side fully clothed on top of his bed...wrapping his fingers through hers he pulled them to his mouth and gently kissed each individual finger..." Show me where you want me too touch you...teach me how to make love to you...l am your pupil l am in your hands my love..."

Sahira gulped and smiled at him leaning over to trace the line of his chin back towards his ear then pulling herself against him she whispered in his ear "Let's teach each other Henrik and for once learn together with no one having the upper hand"

Hanssen pulled back searching her eyes but for what he wasn't sure...

Leaning forward he kissed her in the crook of her neck just below her left ear allowing his tongue to slide along her skin down onto her shoulder blade while his right hand lifted her left hand thereby extending her left arm fully giving him total access and allowing him to continue to kiss gently following the trace of the muscles below her skin. Once he reached the tight skin of her wrist he turned her hand over exposing the palm and extending it across his heart. "This belongs to you now take good care of it"

Sahira leaned forward pushing him on his back flat on the bed and in doing so she straightened up and straddled his hips locking him in place. Henrik was fascinated with how she undid his shirt buttons one at a time taking great care to plant a kiss on his torso at the exact spot the button had sat . Sahira jolted him from his thoughts as she tried to open his last few buttons which were below his waist line silently asking for his permission but also demanding his lift his hips so she could undo his belt and open the poppers on his jeans..._who knew she thought that Henrik Hanssen director of surgery wore popper jeans and not zipped one...who knew he even wore jeans she mused.._.all the while he watched her every move intently as he lifted his hips allowing her access to his waist and hips. Once the last of the buttons was undone and the last kiss planted just at the line of his boxer shorts he let out a short sharp gasp which made Sahira smile against his skin. She sat upright and parted his shirt exposing his chest which was almost completely hairless then lowering her head to his chest right to the spot where his heart beat frantically below she began kissing it softly causing Henrik to whimper..."I promise I'll take good care if it" she whispered

Henrik couldn't stand it any longer and thrust himself forward thereby spinning Sahira so she was the one lying on her back helpless while he loomed over her. Once content she wasn't going to move he relaxed beside her and began the process she had just gone through with him or rather opening the two buttons of her V Neck top...once open he lowered he head and kissed between the folds of the top which happened to be just between the top of her breasts..."Sit up" he demanded and Sahira willingly obliged as he tugged at the bottom of her top lifting it up and over her head and out through her arms then tossing it aside with contempt he turned his full attention to the sight before him..._a flushed Sahira with only her lace bra hiding the rest of her torso from Hanssen's stare._

" You're staring at me Mr Hanssen..."

"You are simply the most beautiful creature on this planet and l can't comprehend how lucky l am right now" he managed to just about get that sentence out before lowering himself to Sahira's stomach where he began planting little butterfly kisses randomly over her skin then upwards towards her bra where he ran his tongue along the under wire of the cup and over the material covering it with his mouth. "May l remove this offending piece of material Ms Shah?" he spoke into her breast causing the heat from his breath to make Sahira shiver with her anticipation. "Yes...please..." Raising himself up he pulled Sahira up towards him so they were both sitting on the middle of the bed sharing breath for breath. Henrik ran his hands up the the length of Sahira's ribcage and around to the middle section of her back and snapped the clasp then he gently removed it and let it fall by his side transfixed by the sight before him, he couldn't look Sahira in the eye in case he lost his nerve so he just cupped one breast and then the other and let his fingers get used to the feel and tenderness of them while Sahira watched him intently until he lowered his head to kiss her left nipple then moving to her to right he began to lock his mouth around it gently sucking it and pulling at it gently so it stood abruptly to attention for him.

Sahira was by now holding onto his shoulders for support as she whispered in his ear "I still have too many clothes on Henrik and you certainly have an advantage over me being fully clothed..it works both ways you know...that's the first lesson we learn together"

Before Hanssen could respond she had pushed him backwards and turned them so once again he was on his back and she was hovering over him although this time she was sat on his thighs near his knees which meant she couldn't feel his arousal against her inner thigh but she certainly could see it protruding against his jeans. Letting her hands run up the material of his jeans on either leg and eventually finding the length of his penis under the material she locked eyes with him as she ran her hand from his crotch up over the length of him and the lowering herself she started to kiss from his knees over the material up his thigh until again she met the bulge in the jeans...placing just one kiss on the middle of the bulge she ordered his hips up as she took the waist band of his jeans and slid them down exposing his boxers and all the way down sliding them off his ankles and tossing them on the floor...going back up the length of his long legs with her eyes she finally locked eyes again with him again as he watched every single move she was making. Again taking the waist band of his boxers she slipped them down over his hips exposing him completely to her and again tossed them on the floor. Henrik lay motionless waiting too see what she would do next absolutely terrified to move in case he did something wrong or said the wrong thing so he closed his eyes and waited.

Sahira started at his calves kissing her way up his long legs occasionally drawing her tongue in small circles around the tiny hairs that seemed to be standing on end for her...moving past his knee caps to his thighs she felt him flinch slightly and tighten up his muscles...he was shaking with nerves now...she stopped and looked at him but his eyes remained tightly shut...

"Henrik...look at me …..please"she begged . His eyes suddenly sprung open fearing he had done something wrong... "I love you...let me love you...just relax for me there's no right or wrong between us...there is just you and me here right now...the world is outside...this is our cocoon...our private world that no one else is privy too" He smiled at her and visibly relaxed his thigh muscles as he ran his fingers through her long brown hair wrapping little ringlets as he went. "Okay" was he said as Sahira smiled at him and lowered herself taking his length in her hand which initiated a groan which in turn was nothing to the whimper he let out as she wrapped her long hair around his abdomen while allowing his penis to slide gently along the inside of her cheek causing him to buck his hips at the sensation she was causing him closing his eyes again he allowed her to do her will to him and if he died right here on this night then he would die a very happy man indeed he simply couldn't believe here he was flat on his back with the love of his life and the source of his every wish and desire on this earth currently giving him oral sex for the first time his life...he could not believe this was happening...but his penis certainly let him know it was happening and he was very much enjoying her ministrations to the point of utter distraction...jolting himself back to the present he realised this couldn't continue much long or he wouldn't last and it would be over before he was firmly inside her where he wanted to be...

"Sahira my love you have too stop...or this could get out of hand very quickly..."

Sahira giggled against his penis at the absurdity of what he had just said..."Baby l think we're past the point of it getting out of hand between us...l mean look at us!"

"Don't laugh but if you don't stop what you're doing l won't be able to keep my self in check...and l don't want our first time too be like this...it's bad enough we're forcing ourselves to use protection at least let me be inside you when the moment comes..."

Sahira giggled even harder against his manhood at his words...he didn't get what he had said that was so funny to her and that made him all the more innocent looking as he stared down at her..."What is it Sahira what have l said...?" he pulled her head up so they were at least facing each other now..."Oh baby you said when the moment comes..._as in you come_...you're just so sweet" she giggled out as Hanssen tried to look stern but failed miserably then realising what he had in fact actually said,he too burst out into a smile and spun his weight so Sahira was now flat on her back and locked in place by him...

"You my love are a wicked woman making fun of a man when he's at his weakest...also you have too many clothes on..l thought this was an even match?" he said lowering his whole weight onto Sahira and burying his head in her neck and sucking on her ear lope..."I am all yours Mr Hanssen do what you will with me" she purred running her hands through his curls and kissing the top of his head...

Hanssen needed no further encouragement so sitting up over her thighs and doing just as she had to him he opened the button of her jeans and lowered the zip. She noticed he was still shaking but this time she didn't say anything just lay herself flat and allowed him to explore. Having slipped her jeans off he followed Sahira's previous lead and started to kiss each leg from the ankle upward and at times stopping and sucking a calf muscle tugging and extending it as he went...Reaching her inner thighs he stopped and looked up at her seeking permission to continue only to find her just as he had been moments before with her eyes tightly closed with her fingers running back and forth through his curls from the front of his forehead to the base of his neckline...realising though after a moment that he had stopped she opened her eyes to find him gazing adoringly at her..."I love you Ms Shah...l love you so much it hurts...but now it's a good pain and not the anguish of before...I promise l will take care of you and nothing and no one will ever hurt you or come between us ever again" he lowered himself back down between her inner thighs and began to suck gently on the skin around the thigh muscles then allowing his tongue to cover the same ground he made his upward approach until he reached his goal and as his tongue separated Sahira's folds the whimper of delight she gasped out brought his own manhood even further to prominence if indeed that was possible which he wouldn't have believed although it was blatantly obvious now that he was very well endowed..._who knew he mused to himself as he continued to drive Sahira closer to her edge..._

"Henrik...baby...stop...l need you right now...l don't want our first time to be like this either..." Henrik stopped and looked up at her...locking eyes he watched her lips say the words he had dreamt of for more years then he cared to admit to..."I want you inside me...l want you too be inside me when we both climax...please baby l am so close..."Henrik needed no further permission he got up off the bed and went to the drawer in the bathroom and padded back across the bedroom floor. Sahira had lifted herself on her elbows but was still on her back and watched him fiddle with the box in his hand..."Give me the box Henrik"...he handed it over as he lay back down on his side facing Sahira. He watched as she opened the box and pulled out a silver foil wrapper and began to tear it with her teeth...He allowed himself a wry smile at her impatience..._.the fact she was_ _impatient for him_...he felt himself stiffen even more as he watched her take the condom from the foil and then without looking at him she rolled it along the length of his penis...he stiffened even more to the point he though he would burst...He made a mental note there and then that this contraption would not be a feature of their relationship for very long if he got his way...Once firmly in place Sahira again ran her hand along the length of his penis and pushed slightly so he was now on his back once more and she was once again straddling his abdominal area locking him to the spot..._How does she do that he wondered...before he could contemplate any further he felt her reach behind him and rub his sheathed penis against her buttock...that was it he couldn't take it any more..._Reaching his hand around her waist he clasped his hand over hers which was still wrapped around him and with his eyes he told her to lift herself up which she did and as she did so he brought his penis directly underneath her and held it with one hand as the other guided her down onto him slowly and gently...once fully encompassed in her _both_ let out the breaths they didn't realise they were holding and held eye contact until Sahira began to move slowly along the entire length of his manhood until she it was just about to pop back out and then found herself being firmly filled again by the Swede as he watched her whimper with delight at the sensation it was causing within her...she began to arch her back and Hanssen grasped his hands soundly on each of Sahira's hips and helped her lift her body up while he waited for the right moment to thrust his own hips to firmly keep himself locked within her...closing his eyes he had never dreamt the feeling would be this sweet or that he would for every more crave the slow dragging sensation of her inner muscles allowing him to slip in and almost out..._he didn't want to be out ever again he knew that mutch..._Sahira began to speed her movements up which he allowed for a few seconds until he decided he wanted to be even further inside her if that was at all possible so in a split second he spun them around so he was now in control and his full weight was on top of Sahira's slight frame. He lifted himself up onto his elbows contining to move within her velvet folds..._God he loved the sound of her moaning and whimpering...he loved the feel of her muscles wrapped around him holding him firmly in place..keeping him in his place...he thrust harder which made Sahira spring her eyes open..._"You've been hiding from me Mr Hanssen...you're a big boy aren't you...ahhh Henrik" was all she managed as he thrust his hips against hers..."I...want...to be inside you... for the rest of my life Sahira...You are mine...are we clear on that...YOU ARE MINE"...he ground out into her ear... "Henrik please..." as he thrust harder... this time Sahira wrapped her arms around his back and dug her nails firmly into him causing him to thrust forward against her harder again... and again...Sahira bucked against him trying to pull him further and further into her she simply couldn't get enough of him inside her so she dug her nails in further and scraped them down his back as she lifted herself slightly to his right ear..."Harder baby...fuck me harder...take me...l am all yours" At that Hanssen brought himself back up to face her...they locked eyes and he began to force single powerful thrusts through her...in and out...and again...and again..._God he loved this woman so much and she would clearly be his undoing from now on but he didn't give a fuck...he was going to make her his once and for all..._

Their hips began to rock in unison as Hanssen felt Sahira's muscles tighten around him and the pace increased...he never took his eyes off her..."Come for me my love" he demanded of her..." I want you too scream my name...only my name..." "Christ Henrik"... she pulled him even further into her folds forcing him to lose his balance slightly and fall into the crook of her neck as he continued to pump hard against her..."You are so tight...God l love the feel of you wrapped around my cock" He bucked again... harder this time slamming himself against the opening to her cervix...Sahira screamed at the force of him against her..."_Christ how had she lived without him...without this..all these years..._Dragging her nails along his back as her walls locked and his thrust threw her off the edge as she climaxed around him..."Ahhhh Henrik!" At that moment he felt her juices release and slip along his length Christ even with the offending condom between them he could feel the heat coming from them so he pumped harder...and harder and with one final thrust he lifted Sahira's body against him off the mattress as he exploded...

Both lay panting still locked in place...her nails embedded in his back...his penis sheathed in her vagina...her mouth whispering in his ear how much she loved him...his mouth breathing slowly against her neck..._Christ his world had just exploded in a kaleidoscope of emotions...he would never be done wanting more of this woman..._

_Authors note:_

_Really nervous about this...hope it has been worth the wait...If there is a desire for me to continue with this story any further then place let your feelings be known because l am in two minds at the moment given that the superb Brandstifterin has started her second fic and l love reading her muse and l jump when her alert lands in my in box...but my heart sank when l read the first chapter of her new fic because l was already half way through writing about the condom issue in this chapter when her chapter appeared last night. We both think along the same lines with Hanssen and Sahira so neither of us wants too end up pretty much writing varying chapters of the other. Anyway the long awaited bedroom scene is done and if you want more then you can let me know and if not then that's absolutely fine as well and I'll just leave it there...Thanks for all the support with this story my itch to this point has been scratched!_


	22. Chapter 22

The neon green numbers of the digital clock radio at the side of Hanssen's bed were flickering 5.43am he would need to get up soon. But for the first time in his life he had absolutely no desire to move from his current spot because for the last 5 and something hours he had spent that blissful time spooned against the woman lying next too him and he had actually managed to sleep soundly for the first time in many, many months albeit for the last 40 odd minutes he had just lay there watching Sahira sleep beside him. He even knew she was taking 69 beats per minutes at her resting heart rate, God he was hooked.

Deciding he didn't want to wake her yet reasoning with himself that she needed the rest as she was still getting over the accident but all the while knowing it was because he was secretly thrilled that she was here... in his bed... wrapped in his duvet with her scent permeating into his pillows slips. Gently untangling himself from her legs he slipped out of bed and headed into the shower-room in the guest bedroom in order that he wouldn't wake her...he had the feeling it might need to be a cold shower this morning as the sight he glanced round and smiled at as he left the room was sending his senses into overdrive again...

20 minutes later Henrik had showered and slipped on the jeans and shirt he had on the night before and headed down stairs with the plan of making some breakfast in bed for Sahira and surprising her before he had to head off to the office...Coffee was on...toast was in the toaster...he was just reaching into his fridge for some orange juice when he jumped with a start as Sahira slipped her arms around his waist and squeezed him tight..."You weren't there when l woke up...l missed you...l was cold" she spoke into his back

"Well l thought l should make myself useful and get some breakfast made for you before l have to leave for the hospital in a little while, l have a long electives list today and 2 different board meetings to attend, one for the trust and one medical which should be a whole lot of fun" Turning round to face Sahira who stepped away slightly to let him move round... he stopped motionless at the sight before him..." I know l look a real mess in the morning it comes from too many early mornings with little boys..." Sahira giggled as she lent back against the middle island in his kitchen...

" I think you know that you look nothing of the sort Ms Shah in fact the phrase that springs to my mind is simply bewitching"...Walking over so he hovered over Sahira he slipped the orange juice carton down on the stainless steel top of the island and closed the gap between them bending down to whisper in her ear " Am to believe that the shirt you are currently cocooned in, not to mention the waistcoat are the very same ones l had laid out to be worn today?" he said his voice dripping with his sternest manner he could muster...

"I believe so Mr Hanssen...l was hoping so anyway.." she retorted..."

" And pray tell why did you feel the need to use the clothes l planned to wear today when as l recall l have a wardrobe full of shirts?" he continued by placing his hands on her hips under his shirt and lifting her up onto the island...she steadied herself on his shoulders as he set her back down on the island..." I wanted you to remember me today while you were at work and l thought what better way than to cocoon myself in your shirt and as you say your waistcoat and wear them to breakfast with you...that way you would remember me...Hanssen pondered his next move...he was dumbstruck at her... she was stunning in his clothes...HIS CLOTHES...the same clothes he had indeed planned to wear today...she was going to drive him to complete distraction...

"What makes you think that l wouldn't have you in my thoughts today...why would today of all days be any different from any other day over the last oh God knows how many years?"..." he asked"

Okay soI lied...it isn't about you remembering me today...l wanted too feel close to you while we're apart...l needed to feel close to you because I'll miss you Mr Hanssen...You're angry at me aren't you"

Smiling inwardly he leaned forward and pulled her slightly back towards him so her legs were resting on the back of his knees as he pondered his next words...

" They look better on you than me Ms Shah...they are positively alluring on you however l do not think that was the tailors intention who made them, and you do appreciate l suppose the thoughts and images that will be in my mind all day now don't you...the thought of you here right now... in my home...in my kitchen...sat on my island... in my shirt and waistcoat..."...

" What you won't be thinking of me in your bed Henrik?" she quipped

That was his undoing...he bowed his head down to her chest... and spoke very softly..." The images l have in my minds eye Sahira from our coupling last night and of waking up this morning to you sleeping soundly using me a giant pillow...l believe that was what you wanted if l remember correctly...Those images will remain with me the rest of my life...you are my life Sahira...you and the boys...I believe l made that abundantly clear last evening...but l must insist you get out of my clothes right now or l won't make my car never mind my electives...or board meetings..."

Looking up he locked eyes with her and leaned forward kissing her softly on the nose...and dipped his forehead to hers..." I am not going to make love to you here in my kitchen at 7am on a Wednesday morning...as much as l want too...you need to rest and have your painkillers and then take it easy.."

Sahira looked a little downbeat at his remarks...he was withdrawing back into Director or Surgery mode...with a time and place for everything. He noticed her slight downcast look so pulling her closer to him in order that she could feel just how aroused he was by her he leaned in and kissed her lips..." I do however...if you will have me of course...l do plan on spending tonight making love to you...l believe you also offered me a date...with a movie and if l recall correctly there was the mention of popcorn?"

Sahira looked up at him and beamed.."I'll just get this coffee then... and let you get dressed...what time are leaving?"

"In about 30 minutes but you don't have to rush off then ...I'll give you a key have a bath l have stuff for you in my bathroom...l bought it while you were in hospital or rather l went and got it while we were waiting on you to wake up...l wasn't sure if you're parents had stuff for you or if you were alone in Holby or anything else so l bought you items in Debenhams I'll leave them out for you" And with that he kissed her forehead and made his way back up stairs..."FYI Ms Shah" came the shout from the stairs..." I still require my shirt and waistcoat back in order to be presentable at the Trust this morning...

Sahira smiled into her coffee and picked herself up and headed upstairs to give him his shirt back and waistcoat back...

Authors note:

**Many Many thanks for the reviews on the last chapter l am glad it lived up to what you wanted! This is last chapter of this fic l will post an epilogue to it over the next couple of days and then we move on and my plan is if there is a desire for me to keep writing on this wonderful couple that l will write a few one off fics of their life starting off together and no doubt some argy bargey along the way between them because that is what they are so good at...also some make up private time if after the last chapter that is also desired...The next story will be Sahira needing a job...l wonder where she'll get one of those in the present climate within the NHS...Let me know with the reviews comments what you what me too do...**


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